Page 143 of Scourged
Surprise lit Andrian’s expression, and a glance at Sebastian revealed the same. Andrian hesitated, before he flexed his jaw and nodded. He brushed behind her again as he left, walking too close, and the feel of his arm whispering across the back of her neck sent a shiver down her spine.
Another sip of wine promptly chased that chill away.
“You want to talk … to me?” The hesitation in Sebastian’s voice stung. She knew she’d been withdrawn, pulled away from him for quite some time. Certainly since she’d returned from Khento, and perhaps even a bit before that.
But then again, he was not entirely blameless for that. His anger, the aggression he’d wielded against Andrian … She’d let it happen because she was too numb and too cold to do much beyond holding herself together. But it wasn’t like him, wasn’t likeherSebastian, and in all truth, she’d waited far too long to have this conversation.
She set her glass of wine down on the table and met his hazel stare. “When was the last time we just talked? Like we used to? Has it really been since before the Solstice?”
“When you asked me to stand in as your consort?” He slid back into his seat, leaning heavily onto his forearms, and peered up at her through thick lashes. “When I asked you if that was what you truly wanted, and you lied to me and said yes?”
“I don’t think I actually said anything.”
“And I think you’re avoiding my point.”
She smiled and sat forward, mimicking his pose. She extended a hand across the table, and he reached his to greet hers. His fingers were warm when they brushed, comforting and familiar and steady.
Her rock. Her foundation. Her friend.
“I miss you, Seb.” She drew in a deep breath. “I miss you so gods-damned much. And these past few weeks, since I got home, I feel like neither of us has really been here. Not the way we used to.”
He was silent for a moment, and he twisted his hand and grasped her fingers in his. There was nothing romantic about the way he touched her, the way he held her hand. Perhaps they’d been together in that way once, when wild magic had rocked hersideways, but that part of their relationship was long since put to rest. Now, he was just … Sebastian.
“I’ve missed you too, Mariah.” His words were shuddering. She tried to catch his gaze, but he hid it from her. “And, gods, I am so, so sorry.” Another deep inhale, and she knew.
Knew he was crying. That he was hiding his tears from her.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. That I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry that they touched you, that they got to you. I’m sorry that Ifailed.”
“Sebastian.” She tightened her grip on his fingers, pulling his arm toward her. It yanked up his attention, forcing him to meet her gaze. His eyes were rimmed in tears, his handsome face wrought with devastation and rage and terror and failure.
Everything he’d felt since that night in the courtyard. It was all laid out, so plain for her to see.
This was why he’d reacted the way he had. Sebastian had always demanded perfection of himself, and nearly always succeeded.
But this time, with his most important job, he thought he’d failed.
“You didn’t fail. Do you hear me?” She dug her fingers into his palms, opening the bond between them just enough to feel the twinge of pain with him. “There was nothing you could have done to stop them from getting to me that night.Iam the one who pushed them too far. I’m not saying I’m at fault for my capture—that was always the Royals—but the decisions that led to it were my own. I know you strive for perfection. That you are afraid of failing me. And I’m here to tell you, as your queen, that you have done anything but.”
She was crying now too, thick tears running hot and heavy down her cheeks. “Sebastian, you are the one who saved me. Without you and our friends, I would still be trapped in thatfucking pit. So do not for a second think that anything was your fault.”
Mariah dropped the wall between their bond fully. Waves of emotion pushed and pulled across that bridge between their minds—anger and pain and regret and grief and sorrow and love. So much shared and traded, passed between two souls as if they were one.
Mariah had always thought the Armature would offer her nothing more than physical protection, a means of deterrence from those who might wish her harm.
But in that moment, it was so much more. It had always been so much more.
A gentle, steady smile pulled across Sebastian’s lips.
“I’m so glad you’re home.”
“I am, too.” She squeezed his hand once more before dropping it. She slowly closed the bond between them, the tide of their emotions withdrawing back into themselves.
“There’s one other thing.”
Sebastian pulled his own hand back, gaze inquisitive. “Oh?”
Mariah smiled, taking a final sip of her wine. “Can you leave Andrian alone? Please? I know he’s an ass, and I know his … involvement. But I need to work through that with him on my own. And I need you to trust me that I can make the right decision for myself.”