Page 32 of Before the Fall
I shake my head to dispel this dream. It hurts too much to deal with right now. “This isn’t real. I’m not really here, and neither are you.”
Closing my eyes, I lean back against the doorframe and can’t help but notice how real that feels against my shoulder blades. That Dickie must have fucked me up pretty good if I’m able to come up with a dream like this.
Maybe I’m in a coma. I saw something once on TV about a guy who was in a coma for years, and the whole time he was lucid and thinking of a million things. At the time, I thought that sounded pretty damn interesting, but now that it might be happening to me, I’m not at all thrilled about it. This is fucking torture thinking my dead girlfriend is sitting in the bed in front of me happy to see me.
She slowly sets her feet on the floor and walks around the bed to come toward me. This all feels so real. How am I thinking this up in such detail?
“Jaxon, what’s wrong? It’s me. Tia. Oh, baby, you look like a truck hit you. Are you okay?”
I stare at her for what feels like forever before she reaches out to gently touch my face. Her palm cradles my cheek, and as much as I know this is a fantasy, I don’t care. I want to feel her caress me like she always did. If this is all I can have of her, then I’ll take it. I don’t care that it’s merely a delusion.
“I’m so sorry, Tia. I tried to keep you safe. I did. I’m so sorry, baby. I failed, and I’ll never forgive myself. I want you to know that. No matter how long I live, I will never forgive myself for what happened to you.”
As I watch her smile, she leans in to me and softly kisses my lips. God, please don’t let her disappear right now. Just give me a few seconds of this dream before she vanishes from me.
“I’m okay, Jaxon. Kaia and Ryker brought me here. My arm hurts where the bullet went through, and I’m a little banged up from the accident, but they say I’m going to be fine. I’m more worried about you. What happened? Who did this to you?”
I shake my head when the fantasy becomes too much for me to handle, closing my eyes so I don’t have to watch her fade into nothingness. Taking a deep breath that hurts my ribs so fucking bad, I remind myself this isn’t real.
“Honey, why won’t you look at me?” she asks, and I swear my chest tightens at the sound of her voice now.
“Because you’re not here. You’re dead. Maybe I’m dead. I don’t know. All I know is you’re a fantasy I’m making up because I miss the real Tia.”
“Open your eyes, Jaxon. I’m here. I’m not a dream. Honest.”
I slowly lift my eyelids, expecting to feel the rush of disappointment when she’s not standing in front of me anymore. That doesn’t happen, though. I open my eyes, and she’s right there smiling at me.
“This can’t be. Victor told me you’re dead.”
She leans in and kisses me softly again, sighing against my lips. “I’m very much still alive. I promise. You can believe me, Jaxon. I’ve never lied to you before, have I?”
“No,” I answer, swallowing hard as my emotions begin to unravel inside me.
“I’m so happy you’re here. You look like you had to fight through an entire army to come back to me, though. Are you okay?”
Tia begins to look like a reflection in a pool as my eyes fill up with tears from how happy I am to see her again. I finally reach out to touch her, and she’s as real as ever.
My Tia.
“I thought I was dreaming you were here. Then I thought I must be dreaming I’m here and instead I’m still back at my uncle’s getting beat to hell. He said you died. I didn’t want to believe it, but I saw you sitting there in the car right before one of his guy’s knocked me out, and you were unconscious. I didn’t know if the EMTs got to you in time. I’m so sorry, Tia. I never wanted you to be hurt by what I do.”
Tears begin to stream down her cheeks, and when she kisses me, I can taste the saltiness on her lips. “I know. I know. But I’m okay. I never thought I’d be tough enough to handle being shot, but I guess I’m stronger than I ever thought.”
Glancing down at her arm, I see the white bandage around her bicep. “I would have taken that bullet if I could have. I hope you know that. I’d take anything if it meant you not getting hurt.”
She cups my cheeks and smiles. “I know, baby. It’s not so bad, though, and I’m actually getting used to the pain, believe it or not. Now come over to the bed and lie down. You look like you need to sleep.”
After turning off the lights, Tia takes my hand and leads me over to the bed. Every inch of my body aches, but just knowing she’s alive and with me again makes me feel like I could take over the world.
As I slowly lean back on the pillow, she rests her head on my chest. I hear her let out a heavy sigh, and I wrap my arm around her, loving the feel of her body against mine.
“I thought you were dead,” she whispers against my skin. “I was lying here for all that time thinking I don’t know if I can go on if you aren’t in the world with me.”
I know exactly how she feels. The thought of going on without Tia rang hollow to me every time I tried to come to grips with her being gone. She’s my everything, and living in the world without her felt wrong.
“When he told me you were dead, I didn’t want to believe him,” I say in a low voice into the darkness surrounding us. “All I kept thinking was he was saying that to hurt me, but in my mind, I saw you sitting there in the car bleeding and knew it was possible you didn’t make it. I’ve never felt so lost in my life.”
She presses against me, and then I feel her lips brush against mine. “No more talking about us not being together. We’re here, and we’re safe. That’s all that matters.”