Page 37 of Before the Fall
The shower begins to grow colder, so I turn off the water and dry off, all the while my gut twisting into a knot as I plot out how to send her away. The problem is I know I won’t see her again after this.
How do you say goodbye to the only person you’ve ever truly loved?
I swipe my hand across the mirror covered in steam and take a look at my face. Fucking Dickie. I still look like a fucked up potato head with my eye nearly swollen shut and the bruises around my cheekbones and jaw. Motherfucker did a hell of a job on me. He better assume I’ll do at least as much to him when I get the chance.
Who am I kidding? Fuck that beating him up shit. I’m just going to kill him.
For a moment, I search my expression to see any hint of regret for thinking that. Nothing. I’m a killer. This is who I am. I wanted to think I could be the kind of man who could have Tia too, but it seems those two don’t work together.
But what if I walked away and only tried to be the man who loves her? It’s not like Ryker, Cason, and Kane need me to kill Victor. I could leave with her tonight and run off to Italy to enjoy a wonderful vacation. We can take a ride in a gondola and see the Colosseum. We can visit those places everyone raves about in Europe. Hell, we don’t have to just visit Italy. I have enough money to take us to anywhere we want.
I catch a glimpse of my eyes and know that’s all a pipe dream. A killer is who I am. It’s what I need to be for my family. I can’t turn my back on them at the very moment they need me most.
Even more, Victor stepped over the line when he went after Tia and her family. He knew how much I cared about her, and he still put a target on their backs. That kind of behavior can’t go unchecked or unpunished.
Closing my eyes, I give myself a reprieve from that knowing look in them. Going on a wonderful vacation with the woman I love sounds great. Except I can’t go. Not now. Maybe not ever.
Anyone who thinks men like me don’t have regrets is fucking crazy. We have a lot of them. We just don’t let anyone know.
I head out into the bedroom and feel relieved when I see Tia’s not back yet. At least it gives me a minute or two to put off the inevitable.
On the bed are a pair of black pants and a blue dress shirt I left here a few months ago. Ryker better know how lucky he is to have a woman like Kaia by his side. How she tolerates having all of us around in her business here is beyond me. I would have told the entire bunch of us to get the hell out a long time ago.
As I gingerly slip my pants on over my very sore legs, the bedroom door opens. I hold my breath as I wait to see who it is, and when I see Tia walk into the room, I wish I could say I was relieved.
I’m not. What I’m about to say to her is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Even harder than the words I said to her a year ago.
She gives me one of her sweet smiles before sitting on the edge of the bed. “You felt good enough to take a shower? That’s good.”
Nodding, I mumble, “Yeah.”
“Are you angry with me because I needed to go outside and think for a little while?”
She really is far too nice for me. I need to keep reminding myself of that because if I don’t, I’m never going to be able to get the words out I need to say.
I shake my head but turn my back to her to compose myself. I need to do this. Going back to her was a mistake she nearly paid for with her life. I can’t risk that again.
“When I was outside, Kaia came to talk to me. She helped me see things I wasn’t understanding, Jaxon.”
“That’s good.”
She falls silent, which presents the perfect chance for me to tell her what I need to, but I miss my opportunity because I hesitate. I don’t want to tell her goodbye. I love Tia. I would give my life for her, and the very thought of having to live without her forever hurts more than any bullet I’ve ever taken or any beating I’ve ever endured.
“Why won’t you look at me, Jaxon?” she asks, her voice full of hurt.
I shake my head once more, but I don’t answer her. I can’t. I just need to say what’s going to happen, and that’s it. No emotion. No tears. Just say it and be done with it.
“So about everything. I’m going to make arrangements for you to join your parents in Italy. You’ll be safe there. I can even add someone to the guy I have with your parents to make sure you’re all safe.”
The silence my words are met with is deafening. I can’t even hear her breathing. It’s like she’s holding her breath.
I turn around, needing to see if she understands what I just said, and one look at her tells me she does. With tears in her eyes, she shakes her head but says nothing.
“It’s for the best, Tia. I made a mistake coming back into your life. I didn’t mean to make things worse, but now that I have, I need to fix things to make them right again.”
She keeps shaking her head, but now the tears stream down over her cheeks. I have to stop myself from taking her into my arms because that won’t help now. It will only make it harder for me to do what I need to, and she’ll just get the wrong idea.
Finally, she wipes her eyes and stands up in front of me. I expect her to slap me across the face, which I deserve, but I’m stunned when she finally says something about my plans.