Page 80 of Never Forever

She walked by me, where I stood in the doorway, and her shoulder brushed my chest and the smell of her – whiskey and stage paint was like a drug.

It was the buoy closet all over again. Suddenly I was out of control. I grabbed her wrist and she stopped still. Not looking at me. Just breathing.

“You never answered me,” I said, growled really, like an animal.

“What was the question?”

“When are you leaving town?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

I pulled her back into the room. I shut the door, trapping us here with the memories and each other and the threat of what I wanted to do to her. Her eyes narrowed.

“Matt Sullivan, what do you think you’re doing?”

“Tell me when you’re leaving.”

She kept her mouth shut. Her lips tight.

I had no choice. I swear to God, I didn’t.

She was daring me to do it. That leash on my control…it was frayed and threadbare. Too old to do any good against the need I had for her.

I kissed her. And if she wanted me to stop, I kissed right over it. If she had something to say – which she undoubtedly did, I kissed her quiet. I kissed her until she kissed me back. I kissed her until we were pressed up tightly against the door. My knee between her legs. Her arms around my neck.

It was the buoy closet but worse. Because we’d been laughing. Because she was in this room and she had no makeup on and her hair was falling down and she looked like a kid and made me feel like a kid.

I’d fought this for months.

Who the fuck was I kidding? I’d fought this for years.

I couldn’t fight another minute.

18

Carrie

In that moment, I made myself a dozen promises.

This wouldn’t mean anything.

I would stop after one more kiss.

One more touch.

But that was a lie.

It was happening and I couldn’t fight it anymore. Months of resisting him. Who was I fucking kidding? Years of resisting him.

I was exhausted.

He pulled off my sweatshirt and I let him. Telling myself it would only be one piece of clothing. Just one so we could have skin to skin contact.

He tore his mouth from mine, kissing my neck, the tops of my breasts, through my thin tank top. He grabbed my ass with both of his big hands. I loved this and he knew it. I felt control slipping away.

I was giving him too much power.

All the power. I needed some back.