Page 86 of Never Forever

“Dad-”

“Why not? What would be wrong with my son finally, finally,” he lifted his hands up to his head, “letting himself be happy?”

“Because I can’t be happy with her.”

“Bullshit. You were happy with her for years. You were happy with her last night. I could see it every time she ate something you put in front of her.”

I shook my head, rejecting the very idea of another shot with her.

“We had our chance. Years ago, and it didn’t turn out well for anyone.”

“Because you wouldn’t tell her the truth,” he said. “I understood back then. I did. But now is not then. Although if you ask me, she hasn’t changed a bit.”

“Are you kidding?” I asked. Did he miss the part where she was a movie star? She wore diamonds on her fingernails and had a driver to take her places. Not that she ever called him. And the diamonds hadn’t been there last night. She’d been covered in stage paint and rain. She smelled so fucking good.

“Nope. Still sweet and sharp as a tack. Beautiful, too. Not sure if you noticed that.”

“Being beautiful is part of her job.”

“Nah. It’s more than that. She’s beautiful on the inside. In fact,” Dad said, “the only thing ugly about her are her feelings for you, but that was by your design.”

“Stop,” I sighed.

“I’m just saying, what if you told her the truth? All of it. Her mother-”

I held up my hand, cutting him off. “It wasn’t about Cecelia. It never was. I said those things to Carrie. Me. No one else.”

Dad shook his head like he was just so disappointed in me.

“Fine. But maybe I’m not just talking about you and Carrie. Here you are, still in this town taking care of your old man. I can’t lie, son. There are times I feel like you’re stuck and it’s all my fault.”

“Dad,” I said, shutting that argument down. It was an old one we’d had many times and we didn’t need to go there again. “I’m a grown man. I make my choices.”

I’d made this life. The good and the bad. And it was mostly great. Mostly amazing. If a little lonely.

“I love you, Dad,” I said.

“Oh, I love you too. I just want you to be happy. You want to stay for dinner?”

“Can’t. I have poker with the boys. You want to come for poker?”

“What?” Dad asked, like I’d asked him to go to the moon.

“You like poker,” I reminded him. “Everyone likes you.”

“They like my money,” he said. Dad lost big last time he went and Mal has asked about him ever since.

“Ever since Antony started bringing Nick, we’re desperate for someone to stop him.”

“You think I’m that guy.” He stepped back and collapsed into a lawn chair he had set up along the fence line. He wore his white shoes and his white socks pulled high on his big calves. He’d shrunk everywhere but those calves. “I am not that guy.”

He pulled Jenny into his lap and she immediately hissed at him and jumped down.

“Have a good night, son.”

“You too, Dad.” I kissed the top of his head and left.

By route I turned right and headed north of town toward Malcolm’s house. The sun was setting, and the sky was pink and orange sherbet.