Page 89 of Never Forever
Suddenly, I felt the weight of those angels and devils on my shoulders like they were real.
A devilish John Krasinski whispered:
Just say yes, he doesn’t have to know. Is it really any of his business?
While the angelic John Krasinski said:You have to tell him the truth. It’s the right thing to do and you know it.
“Ugh! John Krasinski,” I muttered.
“What?”
I took a deep breath. “No, Matt. I’m not on the pill anymore.”
His eyes got wide. “What? Why not?”
“I took myself off last year. And…to make matters worse, I’m taking hormones to increase my chances of getting pregnant.”
His jaw dropped. “Why in the hell would you do that?”
“You wanted to know what I was doing back here in Calico Cove?” I threw my hands up into the air. “I came home because…I want to have a baby.”
“You’re here to get pregnant?”
“Yes.”
“You planned that?” he took a gliding step toward me. “You tricked me?”
“Trick you, please,” I scoffed. “You shut the door.”
“Yeah, because you’ve been fucking driving me nuts for months.”
Maybe that was true. I didn’t bother to deny it.
I took another calming deep breath. “I have one year before my next big project. One year. I am on a strict schedule. Andyoufucked it up.”
“Me?” he cried. “You’re the one who wore those shorts.”
“Really, Matt? We’re going to blame the shorts.”
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Matt said, plowing his hands through his hair. “You are here to have a baby. You are, in fact, taking hormones to help you get pregnant and we just had unprotected sex. But you’re saying that wasn’t planned?”
“The last thing in the world I want is a baby with you,” I said, and made myself believe it was true.
“Well, trust me, the last thing in the world I want is a baby with you.”
“Then you should have used a condom!”
“You should have said something about not being on the pill,” he hissed.
“I was…it was…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. Brain-melting sex. Catastrophic and amazing.
“I know,” he said, running his hands over his face. “I know.”
This time he took a deep breath.
I didn’t know what to say. Or do. Stupidly, I wanted to rest my head against his chest. I wanted him to put his hands on my back and tell me it would be all right. Only I didn’t know how it could be.
“I didn’t plan this. It wasn’t a trick. I’ve been lying in bed for hours debating on finding a pharmacy somewhere out of town that has a plan B pill…but, but…I can’t make myself go.”