Page 96 of Never Forever

“Those are all positive,” she said pointing at the stacks on the counter and the ones in the sink. “But that one,” she pointed tothe one on the shelf, “is negative. And,” she put her finger up and with her eyes wide she looked like a mad scientist, “they’re like 99 percent accurate, so I started with ten, but I think the only thing to do is take a hundred tests to really know for sure.”

“I don’t think it works that way.”

“It’s math, Matt,” she said, like I didn’t tutor her through algebra.

“Carrie,” I said quietly. Carefully. “You’ve taken what…ten tests and nine are positive? I think it’s safe to say-”

“That I need to take a few more,” she cut me off. “I agree. Find me water. I need more water.”

She pushed away from me, took the bag and sealed herself inside the bathroom.

I made my way back out into the suite. The windows took up the length of the entire floor giving me one hell of a view of Calico Cove. I could see Mal’s lighthouse from here. And the Mary Kay still docked, ready for the next ferry run.

It was funny, but all the familiar landmarks looked completely different from this view point. Like I didn’t know this town at all.

I rubbed my hands over my face and through my hair and let the weight of it all settle on top of me. Inside me.

She’s pregnant.

I’m having a baby.

We’re having a baby together.

After all of these years…

She was in denial right now, but that would pass.

This was happening.

The thought cleared everything else away. All of the old anger. All of the petty fighting. The barbs and insults. Her mom. My dad. The past. It was all bullshit. The only thing that mattered was her and that baby.

That thought, after all these years, after everything I’d done to her, was humbling.

And freeing.

What a God damned relief.

I can love her again.

No, Ihaveto love her again. There was no other choice. She may never love me back, I understood that. The damage I’d done was epic in scale. It had to be for us to still be at each other’s throats ten years after we broke up. But I would love her for the both of us and it would be enough.

Tears burned behind my eyes and I closed them, feeling myself relax for the first time in months. No, I thought, really for the first time in years.

Laughter bubbled up from some place deep in my chest and I put a hand over my mouth to keep myself contained.

Carrie Piedmont was pregnant with my baby.

The door clicked open behind me and I spun to face a pale Carrie. She was blanched white under her long red hair.

“Yours are all positive too,” she said. “Do you think we should get more?”

“I think,” I crossed over to her carefully. “You should make a doctor’s appointment.”

“I had one,haveone at the fertility clinic down in Portland,” she said and pulled the long sleeves of her shirt down over her hands, looking so young and so vulnerable it was a kick to the chest.

All I wanted was to wrap my arms around her. Keep her safe.

“Hmmm,” I said. Because I was still waiting for her to understand she wasn’t going to need to do that.