Page 28 of For the Cameras

And then, right at the end of the video, he did something I’d never seen before. He turned the camera up, letting his eyes come into the frame. He looked right at the camera—right out at me—and stared into my goddamnsoul.

I gripped my cock, rewatching the part where he showed his eyes.

He’d never do that publicly.

It was just for me.

My heart was slamming inside me. I lost control as I rewatched the video, shooting white all the way up to my chest, as I pressed my back against the bed.

“Fuck,” I whispered.

So bad.

So,sobad. Tonight couldn’t come soon enough, because the longer this went on, the more guilty I felt.

ChillyIcyBlue: You are my favorite. That was perfect, Adam.

I locked my phone, turning it face-down on my bedside table, and I walked the fuck away.

If I didn’tlookat the damn phone, I wouldn’t be able to reply to him, no matter how addicted I was.

I went to the shower and turned it on, stepping under the hot rush of water and scrubbing myself clean. When I got out I threw on some clothes and dialed Jamie’s number, pacing around my living room.

“What’s up?” Jamie answered. “No video call this time?”

“Can’t video call right now. I’d be ashamed for anyone to see my face.”

He snorted. “Since when are you shameful? I’m your brother, you don’t care what I think of you.”

“I just called because I want reassurance that I’m not a monster,” I admitted.

“You’re not a monster,” Jamie said. “But… what did you do this time?”

“I didn’t do anything,per se,” I told him.

“Tell me more.”

I sucked in a breath of air. “Jamie, you watch…adultcontent online, right?”

“For fuck’s sake, we don’t have to talk about my online habits—”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “Fair, fair. But let’s say you ran across your favorite adult, um,video creatorin real life. What would you do?”

“Oh no, Chase, did you hit on him, whoever it is?”

“No. Yes. Sort of,” I said. I sat down on my couch before realizing I couldn’t possibly sit still right now and stood back up. “I met him in real life, but he doesn’t know thatIknow it’s him. Make sense?”

“I see,” Jamie said. “Only you would end up in a situation like this.”

“The chaos finds me, Jamie, not the other way around.”

“So how does that make you a monster?”

“Because I’m… flirting with him online,” I said. “A lot. But in person he’s this shy, total sweetheart of a person. I swear he would apologize to a wall if he walked into it, Jamie.”

“Sounds cute.”

“So cute,” I admitted. “But I have to tell him it’s me, don’t I?”