Page 91 of For the Cameras

For one quick moment, here in the hall, it felt like he had been doing that. Then, quick as ever, he’d gone right back into his flirty, nothing-matters mode, like his vulnerability had been nothing but an illusion.

I turned on my heel and headed out to my balcony, letting the summer sun beat down on my skin.

No. I wasn’t going to spend any more time holding back, socially.

Ididsee a part of Chase that he never showed anyone. And he could pull back as much as he wanted, but I wasn’t going to let him hide who he really was.

He could ghost me if he wanted to.

He could tell me that he wanted nothing to do with me after he was done working at my house.

But I was going to be honest with him. I wasn’t going to be afraid to tell him that he was one of the best things that had ever happened to me—not just for my sex life, but for my whole goddamn world.

Chase deserved that, even if he couldn’t see it himself.

23

CHASE

“So where do you want to set up, when we film?” I asked Adam after the front door shut behind the last of the Fixer Brothers crew that afternoon. “Your cock always looks amazing in the light by the balcony, but I kind of wanted to try a video in the living room.”

“Chase,” Adam said to me in the same tone that he’d had in the hallway earlier today.

The tone that had made me feel like I had some sort of Energizer fucking bunny in my chest, wondering why the hell he was suddenly getting so serious.

I did everything I could to avoid getting serious. With anything. With anyone.

I kept it light, because that was my charm.

Usually, at least.

So why did I suddenly feel like Adam was about to shatter all of that into pieces?

“I think our last videos looked really good, but I honestly miss some of the homemade charm that came from your cell phone videos, too,” I said, keeping the conversation on the topic of filming because that was my comfort zone.

“All the videos are good. But I don’t really care about that right now,” he said, his tone warm and kind in a way that only made the hammering in my chest get louder.

I pushed my hair to one side, and then the other, glancing all around the room and trying to think of anything to look at other than Adam’s eyes, because every time I looked at him I felt like he was looking right through me, down to some deeper, scarier part of my mind that even I didn’t want to confront.

“God, does the sun look harsh this afternoon?” I asked, squinting at the golden light that usually seemed so buttery and soft to me. “It’s kind of hot in here. Actually, do you mind if we open the doors for some air?”

I was thankful as he went over to the doors and swung them wide, letting the late afternoon summer air into the room. Up here in the mountains, there were usually intermittent winds, and today was no exception.

The cooler air hit my skin. Outside, I could smell some neighbor firing up a charcoal grill. The sound of the birds came through the air. Everything was normal. There was no reason I couldn’t be normal. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out why the hell I couldn’t get a handle on myself.

Then I looked up and met Adam’s eyes, and instantly I knew it was a big mistake.

Heat pooled in my sternum. I may as well have melted right into the floor the moment his eyes were on mine.

Radiant green, kind and sweet, with one thing for sure: I knew I couldn’t hide anything from Adam.

Not the way I’d been doing it with everyone else, for many, many years.

“I’m falling for you, Chase,” he told me with a simple confidence.

The room had felt overly hot just moments ago, and now, somehow, I broke out in goosebumps.

He doesn’t mean it.