Page 25 of Can't Stop Now

“Well, you know. I was pretty active on campus. Had my soccer games, extracurriculars, friends. I thought I’d feel empty without them, without something defined and scheduled to do every day. But after all my friends left, it’s almost like I felt more free. I hope that doesn’t make me sound like a bad friend,” Jacob said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“Nah, it doesn’t. I kinda know what you mean. I had a ton of acquaintances in school, and I can’t say I miss any of them yet. Other than Maya, but she’s my best friend,” Will said. He put an arm on the back of the bench, slightly turning his body toward Jacob.

“It’s good that you have that close of a relationship with someone. I’m kinda envious of that. I had so many friends throughout college, but I don’t think I ever had one real, close friend. No one I’d telleverythingto, y’know,” Jacob replied. His gaze was fixed on the water, watching it ripple softly in the light of the lamps.

“Yeah, it’s hard to find friends like that,” Will said. “Maya was actually the first person I came out to.”

“Really?” Jacob asked.

“Yup. Freshman year. It happened pretty fast. I met her in the first week of school, and I could tell she was awesome. In the second week, we went to some party, got drunk, and she tried to kiss me. I had to let her down, tell her why I wouldn’t kiss back,” Will said, laughing.

Jacob laughed. “You guys obviously got through it, though.”

“Oh yeah, right away. She might have been disappointed for a grand total of ten minutes, then immediately was happy to have a best friend in me. And the rest is history. She tells me everything.”

“Well, you’re a lucky guy,” Jacob said, smiling slightly, his eyes on the water. “I kinda think part of the reason I never made any close friends is because I didn’t feel like I reallyfitanywhere. Aren’t those kinds of shitty feelings supposed to end in high school?” Jacob asked.

“I don’t know if it ever ends, honey,” Will said, agreeing with Jacob. He hoped that his use of the word “honey” had come off sarcastic, instead of flirty, and mentally prodded himself to remember his filter. “What do you mean, you didn’t fit in? You just got done saying you were Mister Participation, in all kinds of extracurriculars and on teams.”

“Well, that’s the thing. I like soccer, but then I also am into business. And then outside of school? I’m a nerd who likes lockpicking, of all things, and cooking. Try finding other soccer players that geeky,” Jacob said.

“Oh, come on. There’s all kinds of people out there. I’m sure some sportsy guys are nerdy too, especially nowadays. Nerds are the new billionaires, and all that,” Will said. A leaf blew into Jacob’s hood, and he picked it up, tossing it into the breeze.

Jacob sighed. “Yeah, I know you’re right. It was probably more my personality than it was my interests,” he said, trailing off. “I can actually be kind of shy. I keep to myself, that kind of thing.”

“Well, maybe you felt that way throughout school. But part of making friends is being vulnerable with people, showing them your true self, good and bad,” Will said, looking over at Jacob. “So, let’s do it. Let’s practice. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone, something you’d normally just keep inside.”

Jacob turned his head towards Will and laughed. “I don’t know Will, what do you want me to say?” he asked, fidgeting.

“I don’t know! It has to come from you. It could be anything. Something cool, something weird, something sad, something mischievous, whatever. I won’t judge you,” Will prodded him.

Jacob breathed deep. “Ohhhh-kay, let’s see… uhhhm… well, this definitely counts as something I haven’t told anyone. I went on this camping trip with some soccer buddies four years ago, over the summer. We were staying in one big tent for the whole ten days, so I quickly realized that I couldn’t… y’know…take careof myself at night or in the morning, or anytime, really. There was no privacy out there, no showers, nothing. So I just refrained from doing it the whole time, and I didn’t think it would be that big of an issue. But on the last night there, I guess I must have been super pent up or something, because I woke up from what must have been a wet dream… it was everywhere. On my boxers, sleeping bag, pants. I knew the guys would see if I just got up when the rest of them did. So I waited til they had all gotten up and I sneakily changed clothes and folded up my sleeping bag. Thank god it was the last day,” Jacob said, shaking his head.

Will laughed, his eyes wide. “…Wow!”

“Yeah. I already kinda regret telling you that, I don’t want you to think I’m some weirdo perv. I’ve grown up a lot since then,” Jacob laughed nervously.

“No, no, that’s totally fine. That’s what I wanted, something you hadn’t told anyone before. See? It’s not so bad. I don’t hate you just because you came all over your sleeping bag,” Will said, laughing even harder. Jacob’s laughter soon joined his.

“What about you? I just told you the most ridiculous, embarrassing story, you gotta give me something back,” Jacob said, turning toward Will.

“Psshhh… I mean, you’ve alreadywitnessedme embarrassing myself on multiple occasions, my life is basically a series of embarrassing moments. Remember when we met in the bar?Yeah,” Will said, shaking his head a little. “But if you want, I’ve got plenty of embarrassing stories. You wanna hear about how I dressed as Madonna for a high school Halloween party? Yeah, apparentlyIdidn’t know, or admit, that I was gay at the time, but everyone else could certainly tell,” he said, grinning.

Jacob laughed, looking down at his lap. Will was close enough to feel the heat of Jacob’s body, but the space between them couldn’t have seemed larger. Every ounce of Will ached to close it, to take Jacob’s face in his hands and kiss him. He was surprised at how insecure, and unsure of himself, he had learned Jacob really was. Days ago when he had met Jacob, he had assumed he was just another jock, chasing girls and money and having not a care in the world. But Jacob didn’t seem preoccupied with any of those things. He wassearchingfor something, a place of belonging. And Will wanted more than anything for Jacob to find it.

Fifteen

Jacob

Jacob walked through the park alongside Will as they headed home. They sauntered slowly through the pathways in the green grass, taking their time.

Jacob still felt residual embarrassment from having told Will his stupid camping story. He had heard himself telling it, but didn’t realize until the end that it probably was a bad story to tell. But it had seemed like Will hadn’t written him off totally, at least.

If it had been anyone else, there’s no way Jacob would have told that story. He was usually cagey about his past, no matter how silly. But Will seemed to hold a power over him. Jacobwantedto open up to him, wanted to do things with him that he never wanted to do with others. He didn’t know what that meant, but he knew that he was enjoying the hell out of this trip with him.

As they walked, Will stopped at one point, looking over at a patch of grass that had a few big trees.

“I kinda want to do something,” Will said, looking over at the trees.