Page 48 of Can't Stop Now

Will took a deep breath and exited the driver’s side. He opened the trunk of the car, pulling out his backpack and suitcase, and put them by the door of his house.

He walked back to the car, where Jacob was standing by the driver’s side door. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and he leaned up against the car, looking out at Will.

“Alright, c’mon,” Will said, and held out his arms for a hug. Jacob managed a small smile and returned his hug. Will was enveloped by Jacob’s familiar scent as they hugged, something that he knew he’d never forget as long as he lived. But he was trying to be strong, trying to power through saying goodbye without breaking down.

He expected the hug to be short, and for Jacob to be on his way. But he held on, and kept holding. But it was cut short when another car pulled into the driveway, one that Will immediately recognized to be his mother, coming home from work. They let go of each other and Will saw that Jacob’s lips were pressed tightly together, as if he was trying to hold back his emotions.

“I’ve gotta go, Jacob,” Will said, attempting a smile and giving a little wave. “See ya,” he said, and he saw Jacob wave back before he turned and got into the car.

Will turned to his mom’s car as she got out, waving after Jacob.

“Hi, mom,” he said, going up and giving her a hug.

“That your friend?” his mom said, watching as Jacob’s car drove away, becoming smaller and smaller on the horizon. “He could have stayed for dinner,” she said, grabbing her purse from the car.

“Nah, that’s okay. He’s got somewhere else to be.”

Will went inside and caught up with his mom, eating dinner with his parents once his dad returned home as well. It was only about an hour into the night when his mom started in with her familiar comments about Will’s job prospects, bringing up one of her favorite topics: how she thought it was a terrible mistake that he had been an art major at all.

Perfect way to begin my fresh start, getting berated by my mother, Will thought after dinner, as he went upstairs, dragging his backpack and suitcase up to his room.

He sat at his desk for ten minutes, frustrated, and wondered if he really did make a mistake being an art major. What did he have to show for it? A degree that was stuffed away in one of the boxes he had shipped home, and little else.

He opened his laptop, angry and determined. He opened the alumni website from his college, looking immediately for the job listings page. He opened every single one that was even remotely related to the arts, and even some that weren’t.

Suddenly, Jacob’s cheesy advice from days earlier popped into his head. “The best is yet to come….” Will had laughed at it when he’d said it, but sitting alone in his room at his parents’ house, he had no other option. He applied to jobs all night, and couldn’t believe it when he looked at the clock and saw that it was 1:15 in the morning.

He closed his laptop, taking a breath in. “Are you still up?” he texted Maya, knowing that she could be a night owl too. A minute later, he got a reply: “Sry love, I’m with Sarah! Love you Will xoxo.” At once he felt so happy for Maya and so envious of what she had. Just days ago, the four of them had gone out together, and Will had given himself completely to Jacob. And now, here he was.

He went to the bathroom and then returned to his bed. The room was empty and silent. He thought of Jacob, who was still in the same city but may as well have been 3,000 miles away again. He got under the covers and finally allowed his tears to come again, after he’d held them back all day.

Twenty-Seven

Jacob

As Jacob pulled the car away from Will’s house after dropping him off, tears streamed down his face. It was the first time he had cried, that much, in as long as he could remember. Crying wasn’t something he did, and he was overcome by the feeling; it was more visceral than he remembered, his whole body aching under the weight of his sadness. After a few blocks, he needed to pull the car over to the side of the road and regroup, pulling out tissues and steadying his breath.

He used the GPS to lead him to his hotel, about thirty minutes away from Will’s house, but realized he didn’t need it; the hotel was on the same street as Will’s house, just miles further down.

Jacob made it to his hotel room, driving the rest of the way there with the radio loud to numb his thoughts. Once he was inside the room, though, he realized how empty and incomplete he felt. He trulycouldn’tremember what he had done before Will was around – or maybe, he didn’t want to remember it.

He heard the familiar buzz of his phone from inside his pocket, and his heart leaped.It’s Will, he thought, hoping that he was calling. But when he looked at the phone screen, Carrie’s name appeared. Disappointed, Jacob picked up, hoping that Carrie’s voice would be a welcome distraction. Maybe he could start to look forward to seeing Carrie again, get himself used to being with her again.

“Hey Carrie,” Jacob said, clearing his throat.

“Hi, Jake! Are you ok? You sound like you might be losing your voice or something,” she said, her voice energetic and perky.

Jacob coughed, trying to make his voice sound normal. “No, no, I’m okay. How are you doing, Carrie?”

“I’m doing good, I’m super excited to see you soon! I wanted to ask you something. So, I’m looking at the Ikea catalog for stuff that I’m gonna buy for my apartment in LA. And like, I know you’re gonna be in San Diego but I was thinking you’d probably be at my place a lot on the weekends, so… I don’t know! I just wanted your input on what stuff I wanted to get. Do you have your laptop in front of you? I’ll message you links and we can talk about the different stuff,” Carrie said.

Jacob could hear in her voice that she was very excited. He didn’t care at all about what decorations she bought for her own apartment, but he knew he needed to try harder this time with Carrie. He opened his laptop, and she started to send him links to the things she wanted.

“So, this first one is the bed. Now, I can’t decide if I want the dark brown, or the light brown…”

Carrie kept talking, but Jacob couldn’t help but stop listening. He opened the links to the different bed colors she sent him, but as she talked, he clicked away, opening up Facebook instead. He realized he hadn’t signed in for a few days, and some photos with him tagged had been added. Apparently, Will had uploaded them the previous night.He must have put them up after he went back upstairs from the pool in Santa Fe, Jacob thought.

He opened them one by one, as Carrie continued to talk about furniture over the phone.