Page 4 of Pucking High School

“Why not?”

“Don’t hurt him on my account. If you do, then he’ll know I told you, and that will make things worse.”

“Wait, do you stillwantto be with him?”

I tried to hide my embarrassed smile because I couldn’t answer that truthfully without sounding desperate. Maybe I was? No one had ever looked at me the way Henry had, and I had this innate fear that no one ever would again.

“I don’t think he’s done anything wrong. I think there’s just some miscommunication going on between us.”

“I don’t think it’s that.”

My mind flitted to every conversation and every kiss we shared, noting something very absent from our interactions. Something that he was trying to rectify right before he got so standoffish.

“Do you think he’s acting weird because I’m a virgin?”

Tiff’s brows crossed. “We’re sixteen. Aren’t we all virgins?”

“I don’t know. I just kind of thought teenage guys like girls that put out, and I’ve not really given him any signals that it’s something I’m interested in.”

“Areyou interested in it?”

“I, I don’t know.”

“Then don’t let your first time be with an idiot who doesn’t know if he wants to be with you or not.” Her words sounded simple, and I knew logically that was how I should feel, but for some reason, I just didn’t.

I looked down to the floor, studying my spotless Mary Janes again. It was the only reason I could think for why Henry would have suddenly left me.

I did say I didn’t want to do anything in the bleachers. Did he take it that I didn’t want to do anything at all?

Biting my bottom lip, I gained up enough courage to say, “It’s not like that. It’s just, after six months, we haven’t gotten past kissing.”

Tiff stepped back to take me in fully. “You’re not serious, are you?”

“Uh.”

Raising her hand, she stopped me from saying anything else. “You’re telling me that you're considering losing your virginity to a guy that seems more interested in Dash’s foam roller than you because you’ve only made out with him?”

I shrugged because, when she put it like that, it made me feel small. I rolled my shoulders, looking down the hall toward the front doors, fully expecting Henry to walk through them and wrap me in his arms, telling me he was in a bad mood and that he was sorry. Then he’d kiss me in front of everyone.

But then I frowned because that would never happen. We’d have to actually tell people we were dating but that wasn’t something he was even willing to entertain. He’d shown no interest in seeing me past our weekly bleachers meet up.

Sneaking around and trying to hide our relationship from my brother sounded fun at first, but it was starting to complicate things.

“That's not the only reason I want to lose my virginity. In two weeks, it's the start of summer vacation and we'll be heading into our junior year. I don't want to be left behind.”

“And who exactly are you leaving behind? I've not had sex,” She said, tilting her nose up, and clutching onto her textbooks like they were her lifeline. Tiff was my best friend. Always had been since we were little, but my goodness, she had no idea how to have a good time. At the start of high school, I was right along with her. I had buck teeth and resembled a bean pole back then.It was only after my braces came off, and my mom took me to get highlights that I started to yearn for a life outside of studying.

I hated to say it, but I changed, and along with that, things changed between Tiff and me. We wanted different things. I wanted to date, and kiss boys. She seemed more interested in reading the next chapter of her latest fantasy book, and that was fine, but it made it hard for us to relate.

“It's different when you don't want it.” I didn't know what else to say. I looked in both directions, making sure everything was clear. “The thing is, I think he's worried I'm not ready.”

“If you're not, then don't let him force you into it.”

I shook my head. “He wouldn’t be forcing me into anything. I think I'm ready, too. It’s just never been the right time to talk about it with him. We’re usually too busy making out.”

“Pfft,” She pushed out, stopping herself from laughing. “Do you even like Henry that much? No offense, but whenever you're in public, you completely ignore each other.”

“That's because he wants to keep it a secret.”