Page 55 of Rescued Love
“I know it’s only been a short time, but I’ve seen a change in you, Nathan. When you arrived, you were so tense. I could see easily that you thought the entire world was against you and you were spoiling for the fight.”
I grab the back of my neck and look down. He’s not wrong. Part of that was being in an environment where competition was valued over camaraderie. Loyalty was a foreign concept, especially if you could throw someone under the bus to get ahead.
The effect that had on me wasn’t even something I could recognize.
Now though? It’s so glaringly obvious.
“I feel lighter,” I admit to him. “I didn’t realize how unhappy I was and how the stress of the life I was leading weighed on me.”
“Sometimes you’re too close and get caught up in things,” he tries to make me feel better about not realizing how shitty my life was. “Now that you know and now that you have Kimball in your life, what is your plan?”
His face is serious, and I know he’s not just asking because he’s curious. He wants to protect Kimball. Even though I should probably be pissed, I understand where he’s coming from.
“What are you really asking, Grandpa?”
He sighs and relaxes his posture. “I’m not her father or grandfather, but I love that girl. I don’t want to see her hurt. She has a big heart, and she hasn’t had good luck when it comes to love. She deserves to have someone see her, really see her, and devote themselves to her.”
I swallow hard. Not because he’s telling me something I don’t know but because taking this step, admitting to Grandpa my plans and how much Kimball means to me, is huge.
This will change the trajectory of my life.
And I’m ready for it.
“I can’t imagine going back,” I admit to Grandpa. “I can’t go back. If I do, my soul will continue to be sucked straight out of me. I realize now how jaded I’ve become. I know I wasn’t always this way. I hate the thought of going the rest of my life like that. Kimball makes me a better man and I want to embrace it and everything that comes with it. I’m not leaving her.”
“You’re moving here permanently?”
“Yes?” I hate that it comes out more like a question than a fact. Grandpa must as well because he narrows his eyes at me. I clear my throat and straighten my spine. “Yes. I’m moving here.”
Grandpa smirks. “Glad you were able to make it sound more solid the second time.”
I bark out a laugh and shake my head. “I know it’s the right thing for me, but it’s kind of scary.”
“Sometimes the scariest thing is what brings the most to your life,” he intones sagely.
“It is scary. I do know it’s the right thing for me.” I glance around the barn and take a deep breath. “I can breathe here. I don’t remember the last time I was able to take a deep breath. Does that make sense?”
He tilts his head and studies me before nodding slowly. “I do understand. I’m sure it’s this place, but also meeting Kimball that makes you feel that way. You can slow down here without it costing you too much. You can also give yourself and your time to Kimball without worrying about your job suffering.”
“I’m not working right now,” I point out.
Grandpa’s eyes sparkle with amusement. “No, you’re not,” he concedes, “but I can’t imagine that’ll last long.”
I shrug one shoulder and realize that while working has crossed my mind, I haven’t been worried about it. Honestly, I haven’t thought about my job at the firm at home or finding work here. It should be something I’m considering, but after being so focused for so damn long, this is a nice change.
One I’m more than willing to go with. For now.
I scoff and tease him, “I don’t know. I’m quite enjoying getting my hands dirty and working out here at the sanctuary.”
Grandpa chuckles but arches an eyebrow in challenge. I scowl at him, but there’s no real anger behind it. I just don’t like him calling me out on my bluff.
“Fine. I know that I’ll have to look for work. I’ve already been looking at houses in the area. I’ve saved quite a nest egg and with the cost of living being lower here than in the city I can get something nice for my woman and I,” I share with him.
“I knew I was proud of you for a reason.” The pride shining in his eyes as he lays his words at my feet make me grin from ear to ear.
His praise makes me feel good. It’s the kind of feeling I’ve been chasing for years at the firm, but never got. I realize now, with a little perspective, that the life I was living was all about dangling carrots. The thing is, though, the game was always rigged, and I don’t believe you’d ever actually get the carrot.
If you did, then they wouldn’t be able to keep you chasing it.