Page 1 of Healing Bonds

Prologue One

RYAN

To My Ryan,

As promised, here is my monthly check-in. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written this letter and thrown it out because it doesn’t portray everything I want to say. Truthfully, there aren’t enough words in the English vocabulary to depict my love for you. I really thought the time apart would become easier with each month passing, but really, who was I kidding?

Today marks an entire year since the last time I saw you. As I’m sure you know, it’s hard most of the time, and I feel like I’m not living the same life anymore. I find this difficult to put into words without hurting you—because I will always support your decision to fight for our beautiful country. I only wish it didn’t mean an entire year without seeing you, touching you, smelling you.

The apartment is silent all day and night. The little Amazon Dot you gave me for Christmas last year sometimes fills the silence, but half the time, it doesn’t work. You’ve always laughed at me for being technology-challenged, and boy, were you right. In those moments it doesn’t work, it makes me miss you so much more because if you were here, I would just be able to shout your name, and you’d come fix it for me.

I am counting down the days until you can come home, my love. I am lost without you and your never-ending strength. Your sister, Celine, tells me to get my mind off you. I tired. I swear, I did.

First, I tried joining a boxing class, but you know I’m not one for anything requiring physical effort, so I quit that after two days. Then, the two of us made a list of restaurants we’d been wanting to try, and we spent a month going to each one. I have plenty of stories about all the weird food we tried and pictures, too. I’ll include them with this letter.

After we finished knocking all the restaurants off our list, I took a photography class and started to visit the local zoo. I spent hours there trying out different angles. Sometimes, I even photographed people, and then, I started to wonder about their lives… and the loneliness crept back in. Especially when all the cute couples walked by.

I haven’t been to the zoo in a few weeks. Instead, I’ve been watching lots of TV. You would be so disappointed if you knew just how many hours I’ve spent sitting in front of the screen.

Celine reminds me of my twin more and more every day. She comes and visits often, almost like she can sense how I’m feeling. She’s worried but trying to play it off with excuses of petty fights between her and Ace that bring her to our small place. I remind myself often that it’s out of love and try to control my temper like you’ve reminded me to do countless times. Nights are the worst, but she keeps me company, especially on the weekends. I hope your friends are doing the same there.

As of last week, Celine roped me into helping at your dad’s company. She swears they’re understaffed, but I know she’s lying. Did you put her up to it? I know you’ve been worried since I quit working at the restaurant, but the pay wasn’t worth it for the hours on my feet. I’m overqualified for the job, too. I sure as hell didn’t pay for a Master’s in fucking business to seat people in a mediocre restaurant.

But that’s beside the point. How are you, handsome? How’s Mike? Did his wife have the baby yet? Has anything exciting happened recently? Any chance of you coming home sooner? I miss you so much.

I have so many questions, but I’m afraid to get you into trouble, and mostly, I want to distract you from whatever you’re dealing with, to save your sanity. And so, my love, I have very good news.

When you receive this letter, it will be our anniversary and, coincidentally, Valentine’s Day. Five fucking years, baby. Can you believe it? Five years ago, we were still in college, you hadn’t enlisted yet, and Celine was still recovering from surgery. I can’t believe how much our lives have changed since the week before her surgery, when we stayed in your house watching movies all day.

I’m counting down the days until your tour is over—only three more fucking months! I can’t wait to kiss you, baby, to feel your strong arms wrapped around me, to smell your familiar comforting scent. I just want to bury my face in your chest and never let go. Most importantly, I want you to take away my constant fear of losing you. When I can hold you in my arms again, all will be right in the world at last.

We’ve been through the worst of our relationship already when you let me go because I didn’t know what I wanted. How silly I was to waste those few months all because I was afraid of the distance. I’ve known for a long time that I will never love anyone the way I love you. We survived the doubts, the long-distance blues, andnow, we get to plan our life together. We can finally have our happy ending, baby.

My anniversary gift to you this year isn’t glamorous like in previous years, but don’t worry, I did send a few sweet things for you; I just couldn’t resist. I didn’t want to send you something materialistic when I could tell our beautiful story from my eyes. To show my love for you in this letter.

I wanted to remind you of what waits at home. Time has changed us both. I’m no longer the wild-spirited girl who caught your attention all those years ago but rather a cultured woman with a body of flaws and insecurities that belongs only to you. This year hasn’t been easy on either of us, but with time, we’ll heal because our love is stronger than every test thrown our way.

Please forgive me; I was in a bad place before I met you, heartbroken and unbelieving in love. But you made me believe again, and I will love you with the entirety of my heart for as long as I breathe.

Here’s to us, baby. We’ve made it through the first five with a year of fear and confusion in the beginning—the year that tested us the most. I knew the moment I saw you at Celine’s graduation that I could never stop loving you. To think a few hours and many drinks later, I would find myself in your arms, sitting on the very same bed where I realized I was in love with you, tonow, where I’m counting down the days until you’re home with me for good.

I’m holding you to your promise—no more tours, no more goodbyes. It’s time to take your rightful place beside your dad and Celine, to come home to me every night, share our bed in the cold of the night, to make our talk about the future a reality. It’s time to finally be us.

I love you, Ryan.

While I’m writing this, I picture you lying on the small cot you’ve described in your letters, hand behind your head as you lounge against a small, hard pillow, ready for bed. I hope you’re smiling, that this letter gives you a moment of peace in all the chaos over there. I won’t let you go off the deep end, baby. I’m here for you.

I was told from a young age that everyone dies alone, and that didn’t scare me until I met you. You made me fear death, fear being alone, because you are the first man I have truly loved with every fiber of my being. God just knew my heart needed you and that you needed me.

I walked into your life during a crisis, a storm so strong, hundreds lost their homes and lives. My best friend, your sister, almost lost her life and her ability to walk. Within days, I started to fall for my best friend’s brother—a man, not a boy—who knew what he wanted.

Before I knew it, you owned my heart like it was always yours to keep, took down every wall I had ever built, and lit my soul on fire. You claimed my mind, body, and soul with a charming smile and teasing nickname.

Spitfire.

No one had ever called me that before. I’ve always believed it’s because of my hair and foul mouth, something only you can find both funny and sexy at the same time.

When I met you five years ago, I had no expectations other than the knowledge that I never wanted to date a boy again. I wanted a man, someone who knew what they wanted and was willing to fight for it.