Page 116 of Sunday Morning
“What do you need?” he asked, clearing his throat and standing to busy himself with the equipment.
“Sarah Jacobson knows. How the hell does she know?”
“Knows what?”
“Don’t be such an old, stupid fucker. You know damn well what I’m talking about.”
“I know what you think she knows, but it’s not that.”
“Keep telling yourself that, but she said she knows about the affair. And you’re running out of land to silence people.And I don’t think you can bribe her. She’s better than you. And she’s better than me.”
With his back to me, he rested a hand on his hip and set his gaze on the ceiling. “You ever been in love?”
“Don’t give me this. You didn’t love Danielle Harvey.”
“No, but your mom loved Clyde Jensen.”
I squinted. “Who’s Clyde Jensen?”
“The man your mother was engaged to when I met her.”
“You said a mutual friend fixed you up.”
“That’s true. Your mom and Clyde had a big fight. And she decided to teach him a lesson by going on a date with me. Of course, I didn’t know that, so I held nothing back. I liked her from the moment we were introduced. She tucked her chin and curled her hair behind her ear as she blushed when I told her how beautiful her eyes were.”
I loved a girl with beautiful eyes.
He turned toward me. “She had every intention of going back to him, but after that night, I made her realize that she needed to rethink things. We were married a year later, and nine months later, you were born.”
“What does this have to do with Danielle Harvey?”
“Five years later, Clyde contacted your mom. He was in St. Louis for the weekend, and he wanted to see your mom. Of course, I said no. And that prompted an argument over my not trusting her, so she went to St. Louis, leaving me to take care of you. The timing was awful because we’d been fighting. Not that it was an excuse, but it just …” He shook his head. “The timing was awful for us.”
When he didn’t elaborate, I did the math and read between the lines, even if I hated the sum of my calculations and speculations. “Matty’s not your son,” I whispered.
My dad shifted his gaze to me, and I didn’t want to feelhis pain. He didn’t deserve my sympathy. Yet, I had a weak moment that stole some of the momentum I’d had when I entered the barn, ready to unload on him.
“Does Clyde know?”
“Yes.” He rubbed his temples. “But he had a wife and two-year-old daughter at the time, so he wasn’t interested in ruining his marriage.”
“Why are you telling me this? Do you expect me to think that you deserved to have an affair too? And why wait thirteen years to even the score?”
“I wasn’t planning on evening any score, but Clyde contacted her, asking to meet Matt. And I said no. She wasn’t happy, and that made me not trust her. So I followed her to one of Matt’s baseball practices, and Clyde was there, watching him practice from afar. She never introduced him to Matt, but she stood by his side the whole time. That sent me down a self-destructive path. And Danielle had worked for us for several summers, and she was alwaysattentive. A girl with a crush on her boss.” He deflated with a resigned sigh. “When she turned eighteen, I thought, why not?”
I furrowed my brow. “Does Mom know?”
He shook his head.
“How did Sarah find out?”
“She didn’t.”
I shook my head. It made no sense.
He didn’t respond for a long moment. “Clyde was at Matt’s graduation, lurking in the back of the gymnasium as if he had the right to be there. And he wore this fucking fatherly pride expression. Your mom invited him. And again, I lost it. Do you want to despise me more than you already do?” he asked.
“I don’t understand what you’re talking about. And I don’t despise you.”