Page 51 of Their Wicked Ways

Grinning, he put the chip in his mouth and crunched down on it. “Come on, chip gods. Do your thing and take these fuckers down.”

“Where did you learn that? The wish chip thing?” I asked.

Jesse had been doing this for as long as I’d known him, but I’d never thought to ask.

“My mom.” He flipped the bag over and pretended to read the ingredients.

Jesse didn’t really talk about his mom, especially since she’d gone no contact with him and Adam, his younger brother, four years ago. Their family dynamics were complicated, and neither of them had fully come to terms with not having her in their lives.

“But back to you and Wes’s thing.” He picked up our trail and circled back to what we’d been talking about before our tangent. “You’ve never had trouble talking about things.”

“Not until now.” I sighed and scooped up the bag of pretzels, needing something to do with my hands now that my beer was done. “I know he’s avoiding me because he feels guilty. I just don’t knowwhyhe feels that way.” I opened the bag and pulled out a pretzel. “Is it because he’s feeling things for Jett? Or does he think I am? I don’t know because he won’t tell me.”

“Do you have feelings for him?”

My chest squeezed as the beer and single bite of pretzel I’d taken turned into a giant brick in my stomach. “I’m not sure.”

He tilted his head curiously.

“It feels wrong to even admit that to you.” I put the pretzels on the table. “But I think I do.”

“Romantic feelings?”

I nodded and looked at my hands. Guilt and dread churned in my stomach.

“Do you think Wes feels something for him too?” Jesse asked softly.

“I’m not sure. I think so.”

“Do you think he’s maybe pulling away because he feels as guilty as you?”

I paused. I hadn’t thought of that.

“I’ve known Wes since we were eight, and he only does this when he’s punishing himself. He shuts down and tortures himself with his negative self-talk and convinces himself he’sa monster when we both know he’s one of the kindest, most empathetic people out there.”

I sat there, stunned. Jesse was right. Wes only acted like this when he was angry at himself and got lost in his head. Why hadn’t I seen that?

“I think you need to talk to each other. Actually sit down and force the conversation,” he said gently. “You guys have too much history to let this go on any longer than it already has. And you’re Ez and Wes. You’ll figure it out and come out stronger after.”

I nodded, my mind racing. Again, Jesse was right. Wes and I didn’t keep secrets from each other, and now that Jesse had pointed it out, there was no doubt in my mind that Wes was avoiding me because he’d convinced himself that he deserved to be punished for whatever he was feeling.

We needed to talk, and I needed to reassure him that there wasn’t anything in the world that would make me walk away from him.

He was it for me, had been since the first time he said he loved me.

“You still with me?”

“Huh?” I jumped at Jesse’s voice.

“You zoned out there. Was your brain going to bad places? Did I make things worse?”

“No, and no. You gave me a much-needed kick in the ass.”

“I’m awesome.” He grinned and leaned back against the couch, assuming a casual pose with one ankle crossed over his knee and both hands behind his head. “So, what are you making me for dinner to reward me for my brilliance?”

“Pizza?” I offered. I’d planned on eating whatever random thing caught my attention when I was too hungry to ignore my stomach, but we had all the fixings for pizza handy. “It’ll take a few hours for the dough to be ready if I start now.”

“Then you’d better get your butt in the kitchen and start cooking.” He made a shooing motion with his hand. “And bring me another beer.”