Page 65 of Their Wicked Ways

In order to talk about it, I’d have to tell Nick I was into guys.

I still didn’t know why I was keeping it quiet. I’d fully accepted and even embraced that I was a queer man. I’d let go of all the shame and fear I’d felt for so many years, but for some reason, I still couldn’t tell anyone I cared about the truth.

Lying to everyone, even if it was a lie of omission, sucked. I’d spent my entire life surrounded by hypocrites and liars. Peoplewho’d condemn and judge you, then turn around and do all the things that were supposedly forbidden.

Leaving home had taught me that relationships based on lies were essentially a house of cards waiting to come tumbling down. No one from back home had reached out to me, not a single person. Most of the people I thought were my friends, the people I’d grown up with and trusted, had blocked me without even wanting to hear my side of the story.

They were what my Aunt Tabby called fair-weather friends. People who were only your friends when it was easy and convenient for them. People who only cared about you as long as you didn’t rock the boat or dare to step out of line.

The friends I’d made here were different. They cared about me. They’d accepted me into their found family without reservation, and I was repaying them by lying.

The guys at work, as well as Becca and Chanel, had shown me more loyalty and love than my own family and community ever had, and I still couldn’t drop my guard and let them see the real me.

I hadn’t even realized how much keeping such a big thing hidden had been weighing me down. How much of a disconnect it had created with everyone because I was afraid to tell them the truth.

Maybe it was time to break that. And Nick would be the perfect person to practice coming out with.

Nick and I weren’t especially close, but we were friends. And I needed to talk to someone who understood what it meant to be a queer man. Becca and Chanel were awesome, but they looked at everything through the lens of straight women. Nick was bi like me, and he was open-minded. He understood things about queer culture that I’d barely scratched the surface of.

And as flighty and chaotic as Nick was, he was fiercely loyal and protective of the people he cared about. He loved with hiswhole heart, and I trusted him. He’d keep my secrets if I asked him to.

“I’m having some guy issues.”

Nick opened his mouth, then closed it. “When you say guy trouble,” he started slowly. “Do you mean like the kind that involves a naked guy, or fully clothed guys?”

“Naked guys.” My heart skittered in my chest as I watched his expression go from cautious to shocked to excited.

“Then you’ve come to the right person.” He slid onto the stool next to him and folded his hands demurely. “Okay, barkeep. Tell me your woes.”

I let out a nervous laugh as my fear melted away. I’d made the right call confiding in Nick.

“Well, this is a bit awkward. I need you to promise not to tell anyone what I’m about to say,” I said, hating that I even had to ask this of him.

“Of course. I’d never tell anyone you’re…whatever you are.”

“I’m bi.”

This time, instead of fear, pride warmed my chest.

Saying the words out loud to Nick was freeing in ways I hadn’t even realized it would be.

“But,” I continued. “That’s not the only part I need you to keep quiet.”

“Yeah, of course. I’m a vault.” He grinned. “Heck, I’ve forgotten more secrets than I remember. You might actually have to remind me about this conversation in a few weeks because my brain doesn’t work as well after midnight.”

“Pretty sure you won’t be forgetting this after I tell you.”

“Okay. Now I’mreallycurious.” He made a ‘tell me’ motion with his hand. “Hit me. You can’t cliffhanger me after all that buildup.”

“Well, I think I went on a date with a couple.”

Nick’s eyes bugged out, and his jaw dropped like it had been unhinged.

“And I kinda hooked up with them a few times before the maybe date.”

He snapped his mouth shut and blinked at me like a shocked cherub.

I let him sit with that for a few seconds.