Page 76 of Their Wicked Ways
“You know we’d never judge you,” Wes assured.
He lifted his eyes and met our gazes. “I told you I grew up religious, right?”
We nodded.
“I didn’t really know much about the world outside the church or community growing up because we weren’t allowed to watch secular media or use the internet unless it was on a device with parental or school controls so they could filter what we saw or could access. We didn’t get outside news, and we didn’t even realize that was weird until we were teenagers and were able to sneak time on the internet or talk to other kids who didn’t live like us.”
He tapped his fingers against his leg. “Looking back, I can’t believe I just went along with everything for so long, but it was all I knew.” He made a sound that could have been a muffled chuckle. “I never questioned any of it because it was easier not to, but I was miserable.”
His fingers moved faster as he kept tapping on his leg. “We weren’t allowed to date, not really. It was normal for parents to arrange matches between their kids. And even then, we didn’t really date. We courted. We were never allowed to be alone together, weren’t allowed to have any sort of physical contact other than holding hands until marriage. Which is one reason so many of us got married young.” He smiled sardonically. “Nothing like the promise of getting laid to make you not care that you’re tying yourself to someone you might not be compatible with.”
“Did your parents match you with someone?” I asked carefully when he chewed on his lip.
“They did. My ex and I grew up together. Our families are close friends, and we were best friends. I was attracted to her, and I liked her, but I never felt any sort of romantic feelings for her. I told my mom that when she told me about the match, but she brushed me off and everyone just decided we’d start courting when we were sixteen. She was into it, and everyone kept pressuring me to go along with it, so I did.”
He crossed, then uncrossed his arms. “We courted for two years, and I kept waiting for the romantic feelings to develop, but they never did. Then I turned eighteen, and the pressure was on to get married.”
“Did you want to get married?” Wes asked when he paused again.
He shook his head. “But I did because it was easier to just go along with the plan. And it got me out of the house. That was a big reason why I went with it instead of trying to fight it.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Moving out was my only chance to get away from having to raise my siblings. The only way I could move out was if I got married. I figured Naomi and I were so close we’d make it work, even if I never really felt for her what she felt for me.”
I winced. I could sense where this was heading.
“Things were fine for a while,” he continued. “But she wanted to have kids right away, and I wanted a break from raising kids. That caused a lot of fights between us.”
“Did you talk about that before you got married?” Wes asked, his tone hesitant.
Jett shook his head with a sardonic smile. “Nope. It never occurred to us to talk about the important things or worry about compatibility because we had no idea how normal relationships worked or how adults handle these kinds of situations.”
“Jesus. I’m guessing you didn’t get sex ed either?” I asked.
He snort-laughed. “Hell no. Our entire sex ed unit was our ninth-grade science teacher telling us that sex is for procreation and only permitted between a man and his wife, that impure thoughts and masturbation would turn us into perverts and sexual deviants, and that we’d be punished with STIs and eternal damnation if we weren’t completely pure on our wedding nights. Then he showed us a bunch of uncensored photos of STI infections. That was it. We never learned anything beyond how the reproductive system works, and even then, they didn’t really teach us about puberty or what to expect on our wedding nights. Just that sex makes babies, and it was our duty to have as many babies as God wanted us to have. Be fruitful and multiply, and all that jazz.”
“Jesus,” I repeated. “That’s so fucked up.”
He sighed. “It is. And it never occurred to me to question things until after I got married and my ex and I found out we weren’t exactly sexually compatible.”
Wes and I exchanged another look.
“We tried to make it work, but we could never find any sort of middle ground, so neither of us enjoyed sex. Between that, me not wanting to have kids right away, and me not reciprocating her feelings, we went from being best friends to resenting each other.
“After a year of everyone from our parents to randoms at church pressuring us to have kids, I gave in and we started trying.” He cut his eyes to the left and stared at the wall. “After a year of not getting pregnant, we went to a doctor to see what was going on. That’s when I learned that my little swimmers don’t swim. So having kids the old-fashioned way wasn’t going to happen.”
His eyes took on a faraway look. “That’s when I started questioning things and really thought about what I wanted my life to look like. I like kids, but I don’t want any of my own. Not after losing my childhood because I had to raise my siblings.
“I tried to talk to Naomi and our parents about how I was feeling, but no one would listen to me, and they all just decided we were going to start fertility treatments. That was the last straw, and I told them it wasn’t in God’s plan for me to have kids, and I wasn’t going to do it.”
“Oof.” Wes grimaced. “I imagine that didn’t go over well.”
He turned his attention back to us, a smirk on his full lips. “It did not. That’s when she started sleeping with Jacob, my other best friend. I don’t blame her for cheating, not really,” he said slowly. “We were both so young, and she was grieving the loss of the life she’d always wanted, so she was vulnerable. I blame him for using her pain to manipulate her. He always had a thing for Naomi, but I thought it was just a harmless crush. And he was engaged. It never occurred to me that he’d seduce my wife or have an affair with her when I was busting my ass working overtime to afford a lifestyle I didn’t even want. Inever questioned them spending so much time together because I trusted them. I’m still not sure exactly how long it went on for, but everyone knew way before I did, and they all kept it quiet.”
“You mentioned that earlier,” Wes said. “Did your family know? How could no one tell you?”
“My parents knew. Hers too. I think they were hoping things would end before me or his fiancée found out and we’d just go on with our lives in ignorant bliss.” He sighed. “I feel so bad for Tessa. She adored Jacob, and she was as clueless as I was. And now she has to live with the stigma of her failed engagement and see her former fiancé parading around with his new family and everyone just accepting it like it wasn’t this huge scandal that destroyed our lives. At least I was able to leave and get away from all that crap.”