Page 13 of Scars Like Wings

“No, no, no!” I shook my head. “You don’t know that!”

“Itwillbe okay. Things won’t be okay tonight. Or tomorrow. Or even a couple weeks from now?—”

“Not your best pep talk, Pops.”

“—But eventually, we’ll find an okay. Tonight, we have each other. That’ll have to be enough for us. That’ll have to be okay. That’ll have to be okay for now.” Pops held his hand out toward me. “Let’s get you down from here, baby Byrd. It’s going to be okay.”

I stared at his hand. I knew I should take it. He used the nickname he and Mom always called me, their baby Byrd. Their sweet, delicate, innocent only daughter. Plus, he was my Pops. I ran to Uncle Everett to take me places or to teach me to throw a punch. I went to Auntie Max to gossip and chit-chat. I talked about whatever reality show we were watching and everything else with Mom. Pops was for when I was scared, when I was tired of talking, when I wanted calm from the storm of life. He would just hold me.

Even now, there was a part of me that wanted to believe Pops, to take his hand and let him help me escape this. But I was frozen.

He can’t make it okay. He can’t take the pain away. He can’t bring Mom back. There’s nothing anyone can do.

“Baby Byrd, it’s going to be okay. Take my hand.”

“No, you’re wrong,” I whispered. Then I shouted. “You can’t make it okay! You don’t know if everything will be okay. You don’t know anything! Not for sure!Shedidn’t know!”

The words flew from my mouth and slammed back into me, knocking the breath out of me.We’ll always be around to keep you safe.That’s what she always said to me. It was a certainty, like the sun rising tomorrow. I never doubted she was right.

Look where that got you.

She was gone, and nothing would ever be the same now.

She was wrong. How can you believe Pops now?

Without Mom, how could I ever believe that everything was just going to magically be okay ever again?

It never will be. Just let go.

Suddenly, my back burst in a brilliant firework of pure agony. It felt like the four knives had finally broken to the surface. They cut me from the inside out, slicing me into pieces. I squeezed my eyes shut until I saw stars. I screamed, this time with a wail that came from deep within.

“Forrest! You need to hurry! We need to get her downnow!” I heard Talli yell from below.

“We have to leave! The house is coming down!” I could hear Everett shouting.

That’s right. If she can leave, everyone else will eventually leave you, too.

“No!” Pops yelled. He was still in front of me. Waiting. Willing to stay. “I’m not leaving Byrd behind! I’m not giving up on her!”

Through the swirling pain and devastation inside and outside of me, I felt soft hands on each of my tear-soaked cheeks. Their hold was both gentle and firm around my face.

“Hey, hey, hey. Look at me, baby Byrd,” Pops called to me, but my eyes remained closed. “Brydgette Fallon Pierce, open your eyes and look at meright now.”

Pops had never used my full name before.

I listened to him, opening my eyes to look into the same brown eyes as mine, the color as rich as the Georgia soil. They twinkled. He was always so proud of me. Even now, as he looked at me in the mess that was all my fault.

“There’s my baby Byrd.” He smiled. Something uncoiled inside of me at something so familiar, so normal. “Now, you listen to me. I know it hurts now. I know it all hurts right now. But you’ve been here before, haven’t you? Remember when you were little? When you fell from climbing that tree and broke your wrist? It hurt horribly, didn’t it? But what did your mom say when she saw you? What did she say about all of that pain?”

“Sh-she said,” I choked through sobs at the memory of mom’s gentle touch and reassuring kisses. “That it would pass. Th-that the pain would be less the next day, and I would be better before I knew it.”

“Exactly. And was she wrong?”

“No, she wasn’t.”

“Exactly. She wasn’t wrong then, and she isn’t wrong now. You trusted her then, and now you have to trust her again. We will get through this. We will be okay. Let’s take everything one moment at a time. In this moment, let’s find our okay.”

In this moment, let’s find our okay.