Page 17 of Sweet
“I’m not going to try to find out who you are and how we know each other.” He’s trying to sound comforting, and I appreciate the genuine effort.
“You can’t promise me that. If we keep this up, you’ll recognize me. I can’t have that happening.”
“Okay.” Nothing on his end but acceptance and another sigh. “Do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t tell me goodbye. Tell me goodnight instead.”
I smile to myself. “Goodnight, Will.”
“Night.”
Then I hang up before anything else can tempt me into changing my mind.
Chapter eight
Will
I’m too passionate for my own good. What some may even consider obsessive. Maybe they’re right. If I ever figure out how to control what I hyper-fixate on, I’ll be unstoppable. Until then, here we are. I’ve been going over my current conundrum again and again, trying to make a decision from the three options laid before me.
Mantis: who I know I want. Who I can’t get out of my mind. Who I now devote all my waking moments to, trying to piece together what I already know about him with the same fervor as a conspiracy theorist. I don’tneedto know who he is, but I’m not sure what else to do now that he’s essentially dumped me. Learning his identity may be my only chance. Maybe then I can approach him in person while not letting on I suspect anything. Even then, not good odds.
Bailey: who very likely doesn’t know who I am and who I’m not so sure I can even approach. I haven’t tried. Maybe it’ll be easier this time around, but my unfounded devotion to him hasn’t wavered, so maybe not. I haven’t even mustered the ballsto message him online yet. I’m still working on studying him every chance I get and learning every bit of info I can uncover, usually by scouring the internet. Where’s he from? Where’s his business? Where does he even live? What interests does he have that I can use to get my foot in the door conversation wise? What routines does he have? How can I run into him across town? A lot of unknowns remain.
And then there’s Jesse, my best friend. Dependable. Attractive. A sure thing. Also, sweet. Maybe too sweet. Enough to give me a toothache.
Last Monday, Jess left my place right around sunrise without really saying much of anything. Since then, I’ve only seen him in passing at work, which is the usual, but he seems to be walking on eggshells. Not avoiding me or ignoring me, but visibly unsure. Admittedly, I’ve sort of left him in limbo. Between everything with him, then Mantis, I can’t see the bigger picture until I take a few measured steps back, so I do.
By Sunday morning, Jess and I haven’t really spoken, but we’re about to have a lot of one-on-one time together today. May as well address this now while we’re together and mostly alone. We’re silently unloading everything from the truck, and no one but the other vendors have arrived to start setting up their stands before the crowds arrive.
“Are we okay?” I finally ask when I set down my crate.
Jesse whips his head over as if I asked him the stupidest question he’s ever heard.
“Come hang out with me after work.”
“For what?” Oh, he may be mad with a prickly voice like that.
“Hang out. Talk. Whatever.” I step closer and take both of his chilly hands in mine, rubbing his knuckles and smiling at him. “I’m sorry. It’s been a weird week and a lot’s happened and… I needed to get my head screwed on straight.”
“Interesting word choice.”
I smile wider. “You’re my best friend, Jess.”
“Yeah. Your friend.” He rolls his eyes.
“Maybe more. I dunno yet. Finding out is half the fun, though.” I step forward to close the distance and Jesse meets me the rest of the way, parting his lips to let my tongue in at my request. When I pull away enough to speak, his rapid breaths make short bursts of clouds in the cold morning air.
“Come to my place after work,” I say again.
“Is it going to end like last time?”
“With a sleepover? Hopefully.” And I peck one more kiss on his lips.
When I smile this time, Jesse smiles back at me. Until he stops, and I turn to glance where he’s looking. Bailey’s at our stand and he offers an awkward wave.
“Hi, Jesse.”