Page 48 of Axel
It was not even twenty-four hours since he was with her, and he could already feel the yearning inside him. He had run because he instinctually knew that he had gotten too involved. It was not just sex.
And he should have realized it from the very first time he met her. She was under his skin, in his blood. When he made love to her, it cemented the fact that he was not simply going to forget about her.
He had been tempted to stay, to suggest to her that they move on to the next step. He had no doubt what her answer would be. He had seen the look in her eyes, on her face, that she was starting to have feelings for him.
He had been surprised as hell to discover that she was not very experienced. Her kisses lacked the expertise of someone who had been doing it a while. A
nd her moves were not practiced. She had been shy at first and then after his gentle coaxing had she opened up to him completely. Her tightness when he first entered her was added proof that for a woman of her looks, she had not been chaste. It puzzled him that she was.
He had explored her pictures on the internet and spent time staring at them. His research told him she had been involved with a fellow model, but the relationship had only lasted a year.He had stopped himself from asking about her personal life, because he had not wanted to be involved.
Lifting his head to the sky, he studied the formations of the puffy white clouds moving languidly across the velvet darkness. In the past whenever he had some thinking to do, he had always come this way to be alone and would find himself wrapped up in solitude. Tonight, it was proving more difficult.
He had too much on his mind. William’s announcement had staggered him. He could not bear the thought of the man leaving this earth and he was not ready. He had also been such a force in life and Axel will always be grateful for the counseling and the experience he had garnered working here at the ranch.
He was ambivalent about accepting his gift. He had more than enough money. A soft laugh escaped him, sending a few squirrels scampering away. In the past, he would not have thought that, but suddenly, it did not mean so much to him anymore.
He had always been hungry and determined never to be poor again. His motivation had been mostly his mother and sister,providing for them. But he had also wanted to prove to himself and his old man that he could do it.
What if she was carrying his child? He would do the right thing of course and be there for both of them. But he was just not ready to make a commitment. No matter what his heart was saying.
*****
The house seemed lonely and eerily quiet. That was the first thing that hit her as soon as she entered the foyer and dropped her case. She had come back a day earlier than planned, declining the invitation to have dinner with Caitlin and Cathy.
It did not matter to her anymore that they were aware of the reasons she had run from them the night before and why she was leaving prematurely.
She had spent the night tossing and turning and wondering how she could have been so foolish as to fall in love with AxelLakeside. What on earth had possessed her, to get involved with him in the first place, was something that had kept her awake for most of the night.
She was never that careless – had always been professional. But from the very beginning, her conduct had been in question. She had felt the attraction from the first time she met him, and it had only increased with each passing moment.
She had further compounded the problem, by getting involved with his family. Nothing was wrong with accepting the invitation to dinner, but she had been drawn to the two women and felt herself wondering what it would be like to be part of the family.
She had also been drawn to the town where he grew up. The people and the hospitality she had been shown had made her feel at home. She who had sworn that small towns were not for her, had found herself chatting with the locals and warming up to them.
It was her duty to flesh out a story and go at it from different prospectives, but this time it had become personal. She had fallen in love, and she had fallen hard. She had also been irresponsible.
They had made love without using anything. Although she highly doubted that she was carrying his seed, she was startled, and ashamed to admit that she was wishing for it.
At least he would be compelled to see her again.
But was that something she wanted? To trap a man into being with her? Shaking her head, she went straight to the kitchen to make some tea. The car ride from the cottage to the airport had been nostalgic. She had not said goodbye to anyone except Caitlin and Cathy.
She had slowed down at the town square and passed the park where the bonfire had been held. She had also passed his unfinished house and had stopped for a minute to stare at the imposing structure. Was he going to be living here? She wondered achingly. Memories of their lovemaking had left her weepy and angry.
Plopping down on a stool, she rubbed her hands over her face and realized how tired she was. She had the article to finish, but her heart was no longer in the project.
She felt broken and used up as if she had been through several marathons and came out the loser. She had not alerted anyone that she was back and would take the day to try and recover. She would go and see her dad and sit with him for a bit.
But for now, she wanted to be alone to nurse her broken heart. And to decide where to go from here. Axel Lakeside was not worth a minute more of her tears, even though she could feel it threatening again. She had been away for a week, but it felt as if she had been gone for months.
The shrill sound of the kettle roused her from her inertia and propelled her from the stool. Suddenly the prospect of drinking tea was no longer appealing.
*****
“Dad! You have been ill, and you never said a word to me?” Ellie hustled into the bedroom, dismayed to see him lying in bed. She had called his phone to alert him that she was back, only to hear the weariness in his voice.
She had made record time getting here. He looked as if he had lost some weight and the nurse, she spoke to at the nursing station had informed her that he had hardly been eating.