Page 105 of Hide From Me

“Toxic maybe, but you're my fantasy too. Tell me, blossom. When I pulled that trigger, did it turn you on?”

I licked the ridge of her ear and could practically feel the jump of her pulse.

“Tell me that you don’t photograph dead bodies because somehow death doesn’t scare you? Something tells me that if they deserved it in your mind, it gets you off.”

I shoved my knee between her legs and was rewarded with a hitch in her breath.

“Tell me that being angry at me isn’t just as good as being in love with me? Because, sweet little Rylee, we’ve always been meant for each other in one fucked up fairytale.”

I couldn’t stop myself and I sure as hell didn’t want her thinking more than she should, so I did what seemed to be the most natural thing in the world. I claimed her mouth and waited to see if she had the resolve to push me away. When she didn’t, I released her hands and reached around to grab her ass, lifting her up to my height.

“I fucking hate you, Cas.”

I smiled against her lips as I kissed her against those words.

“I expected nothing less, blossom.”

But she didn’t stop kissing me. She didn’t try to climb down as I pressed her hard against the wall and found her warm entrance and slammed into her in one single thrust. I would fuck her just to hear those little noises that she made for only me.

I slammed into her hard and fast, like I could fuck away the anger. Like I could erase her disappointment and her hurt. I fucked her like I could wash away the guilt that followed me around like a storm cloud for years.

I wouldn’t know how to fix this because we were both drowning in whatever this fucked up love was, but here she was, and I would make sure that she was far too tired to ever try and climb out of my hell.

THIRTY-NINE

rylee

Cas’s breathingwas deep and even. He was sleeping like I should be. But I was vacillating between anger and relief.

All these years, I’d struggled with healing. I struggled with anger at my mom and then heartbreak over losing her. I struggled with how a father could hate his own child so much that he would sell her off. I struggled with how it was so easy for Cas to let me go when he was the one to save me. I struggled with an aunt who barely even cared about my mom, even one partially related to her. No wonder I had an electronic pet and a plant and both were probably dead by now.

The PI had said my grandfather was rich though. Why would he be rich and yet I grew up sleeping on floors and hoping for food some nights? I had to sit in strip clubs in the back when no one could watch me while my mother sold the idea of sex just to have cash.

Nothing ever made sense, and I’d just embraced that for years.

“Blossom, go back to sleep.”

So much for thinking he was asleep. His muscular arm pulled me back into his body.

“I hate you,” I said.

“I know. You’ll get over it.”

It was shitty that maybe he wasn’t wrong. Maybe he was. How did I still trust him? Because that little stupid thing inside of me said he’d done everything for me, not to me. He’d sacrificed whatever he had for some sad little teen. He wasn’t that much older than me, but I guess growing up the way he had and trying to prove himself the way he needed to made him older in so many ways.

I let myself fall back asleep, only to wake up to an empty bed and a growling stomach.

“Cas?” Nothing. I looked around the room. Nothing.

I got out of bed and headed to the kitchen. On the table was a note.

Had to go deal with Spectors stuff. Eat and be in bed when I get back. Zeid put your clothes in my closet.

I found my phone where he put it last night, or was it this morning? Whatever. It was strange to wake up and not have anyone asking me to come photograph a body. Then again, I worked on contract with Fuller’s shift. Someone would cover his rounds while he was in the hospital.

Why didn’t it bother me more that he was in the hospital? The fact he was an asshole helped. But seeing Cas beat the shit out of him wasn’t what had made me stop him. It was the fact that Cas was wasting precious time and energy when all I wanted was him to take me home.

What was wrong with me?