Page 34 of Hide From Me

I reached for the glass and started to down it, stopping as the burn hit my stomach.

I wheezed in air for a second, but returned the smile on Cali’s face as I realized I liked the flavor even if the alcohol was burning its way down.

I wasn’t sure this had a name, but I was certain that it was the liquid escape I needed to forget the confusing thoughts running through me. There was more confusion than there was anger, but with every sip, the anxiety inside me took a back seat, along with my trust issues. Cali and I sat and watched the people, laughing at the drunken mess of sexuality. Carefree and no worries. I wanted to feel that. I wanted to be carefree.

“Wanna dance?” Cali asked after our second drink.

At this point, I wasn’t certain if my feet were numb from the drinks or the straps that I’d woven tight around my calves. I didn’t care either. I had nothing to lose but my Tamagotchi, that I was certain had died and needed to be reset again. I grabbed her and swayed my way onto the dance floor. I could hide here. I could hide and let the buzz of the drinks flow through me.

I didn’t care about the tiny dress anymore or the heels that made me out of my element. I didn’t care about the fact thatI couldn’t control anything in my life and it was quite possible everything here was just another joke.

I raised my hands over my head as I swayed my hips to the music. I laughed as Cali danced close to me like she owned this world and all the confidence in it.

Guys looked at her, watched her because she was someone worthy of attention. One came up behind her. I closed my eyes as I ignored her dancing with the stranger and tried to lose myself in the music.

I danced like no one but HIM was watching because even with alcohol and freedom, I couldn’t unsee Cas. He wasn’t that younger, volatile version of this man anymore. I was certain the anger was still there, the danger more scary than ever, but now I had a picture of just what he’d grown into, and fucking hell, was he my wet dream.

Someone came up behind me, and for the moment, it was fine. I let his hands settle on my hips and I danced all the same. It wasn’t Cas, but my drunk brain was okay letting go for a few minutes of my fantasy.

The only safe place in my life had been with him and the boys. Logic said that I was pathetic to have let a few weeks in my life shape my entire opinion of boys I knew were just as dangerous as everyone in my life.

The guy’s hand slid to the edge of my skirt and, drunk or not, that had my attention. I batted at his hands and my eyes flew open as I spun around and away from him.

“No thank you,” I said and backed up, hoping for Cali to catch me.

She didn’t, and instead, whoever I bumped pushed back. Where had Cali gone? I wasn’t smart enough to feel panic, or maybe that was the alcohol. She had to be around here close by. She wouldn’t have left me.

The guy closed the distance. There was nowhere to back away to.

“Don’t come any closer,” I yelled at him over the beat of the music. My buzz still hung on, but I was clearer thanks to my rising panic.

He stopped and held up his hands.

“Wanna get a drink?” he nodded towards the bar.

A drink? Of course. This was fine. This was a normal interaction at a bar. My anxiety didn’t exactly agree that this was normal, but then again, normal for me was antisocial. In college, I went to class and only ever tried to date guys that I knew.

I had years of practice ignoring the sick feeling deep in the pit of my stomach when I’d tried to think of anyone in my life, but I was human. I was supposed to date. My aunt had a revolving door where my mother had been nearly celibate. My aunt used her dancing to pick up man after man. My mom used her stripping as a means to have cash and keep us hidden. It had worked until it hadn’t.

I wanted to be somewhere in between. I wanted normal. Then why the fuck had I come back here? The years of wondering and building up my hero is why. But I knew he wasn’t normal. He’d told me to get far away and never come back. Those had been his last words as he let my house burn. But he’d done that for me too.

Normal.

“Yeah, sure, a drink.”

There was something off about the guy in front of me. He was too pretty, too smooth, but a drink never hurt anyone. Probably.

He grabbed my hand like we were something more than random strangers, and I tried to pull away. He was stronger than I’d have guessed for his lean build. He pulled me along through the crowd, and I wasn’t exactly in the right state of mind to get out of this. I had a feeling if I tried to turn quickly to break hishold, I would take out a few too many people and probably flash everyone in the process. It was just a drink. It was fine. I could find Cali from the bar, probably.

“Can you let go of me?” I said, trying to scream over the music, but he didn’t seem to notice. One more person and we were out of the throng of crazy and headed to the bar like he promised.

Okay. I was being a little crazy. A man showing interest in you was fine. I should just get out more.

“What do you want?” he said. His smile was far too perfect for me. I couldn’t see any tattoos around his neck, and he was wearing a crewneck. Well, okay. Not a gang guy. Or not a Spector. That was okay. It was good. It was smart. Except it still made my stomach churn, and not because he scared me. He just wasn’t what I wanted.

I knew his type. Pretty and perfect and looking for a pushover little girl. That, or he was the nice guy and I should want that, but the idea of him in a little white-picket-fence-style house? Nope.

“Uh.” I wasn’t sure what I wanted. The bartender headed towards us even with the bar full of people.