Page 40 of Shane

“There is now, beautiful.”

kennedy

I’ve been upfor hours, physically unable to shut my eyes and sleep. I took melatonin and listened to new-age meditation music on my streaming app, but nothing is working. It probably didn’t help that after hanging up with Shane, I called my Mom.

“Are you all settled in, sweetie?”

“Yeah,” I sniffle, unable to control my emotions.

“What’s wrong? I can hear it in your voice.”

“Mom, is your home office set up yet?”

“Yes, why?”

“I’m not sure I can live here.”

“Did you argue with your father already? You just got there.”

“I want to live with you instead of Dad when I come home for holidays and the summer.”

“Kennedy, we discussed this already. You were adamant about staying in the house.”

“No, Dad was adamant, and you agreed.”

More like folded.

“I remember it differently,” she says. “We gave you a choice, and you made it.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Kennedy–”

“Are you punishing me for choosing the only life I’ve ever known?”

“No, of course not.”

“What was so wrong with me wanting to stay in my bedroom, in my house, in the neighborhood I grew up in? The two of you may have wanted to separate for years, but remember, for me, it was a brand-new development. Everything was changing so fast, and then you both forced me to make an impossible decision at a time in my life when I was under the most stress.”

It’s possible I was born to two of the most self-absorbed adults on the planet. I don’t think either one of them ever really considered the impact their choices would make on me, especially last year.

“I’ll admit that we didn’t have the greatest timing.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“Have you talked to your therapist this week, baby?”

I hate that I do, but I feel horrible once I hear the tears in my mother’s voice. None of this is my fault, but I didn’t mean to upset her. Regardless of our difficult relationship or any missteps she may have made with me, I should remember that she has probably had the toughest road during this divorce. My dad still owns the house and has a larger income, and now he has this new girlfriend.

“Not yet, Mom. I’m too busy with classes and stuff.”

“You can never be too busy to take care of your mental health. Maybe you can call her while you’re home for Thanksgiving?”

Frustrated with the direction of this conversation, I want an answer to my original question. “Can I come stay with you or not?”

“I wish you would tell me what’s really wrong. This all feels very sudden.”

I knew it.