Page 74 of Shane
I burst through the doors and into the warm night air, my breath coming in ragged gasps. Shit, I can’t stop myself. The tears are flowing freely now, hot and relentless. How could Shane do this to me? He’s been talking to someone about all of my business. About me.
I find a familiar bench outside the rink and collapse onto it, burying my face in my hands. My mind is a whirlwind of pain and confusion.
This is my fucking fault.
When you let your guard down, this is what happens, Kennedy. You know better. No one ever has your back. You have to do a better job of protecting yourself, idiot.
“Kennedy!” a voice calls out, and I look up to see Shane running towards me, his face etched with worry.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting here but the game must be over if he’s outside.
I stand up, my body trembling with anger. “Stay away from me, Shane,” I spit out, my voice shaking.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” he asks, his eyes wide with concern.
“Like you don’t know,” I snap, the words laced with venom. “I heard what people are saying about me in there. You’ve been talking about me behind my back, telling them about our parents, calling me clingy and jealous. Do you know they think I’m some sort of stepsister stalker to you? Is that what you really think of me?”
Shane’s face pales, and he shakes his head vehemently. “You know me, Kennedy. I swear, I never said those things. My friends must have misunderstood or twisted my words. I would never talk about you like that.”
“Twisted your words?” My head cocks to the side. “So you were talking about me?”
“Not like that.”
“You’ve made me look like a fool in front of everyone!”
“I’m not sure what you heard but you have to believe me,” Shane pleads, stepping closer. “I would never intentionally hurt you. My friends don’t understand our relationship. They’re just trying to protect me, but they’re wrong.”
“How do they know about our parents?”
“I told Bass and Neo about them. That’s it.”
“Why?”
“Our parents’ relationship is my business too, Kennedy. Did you ever think that I needed to talk about it with someone too?”
I step back, putting more distance between us. “This isn’t just about what you told them. It’s about you. I’ve always felt like you never truly protected me, that you never respected me. The girls walking around half naked in the house who you’ve clearly fucked before. The girls in the stands who you constantly flirt with. And now, hearing this... it just confirms what I already knew to be true. Whatever this was between us is done.”
“Whatever this was?” he echoes back in pained tones. “This isn’t high school, Kennedy. I’m not John. I’m not your parents. All I’ve ever done is care for you and protect you since the day we fucking met!”
“So I’ve heard,” I retort.
“Not like that,” he exhales roughly, running his hands down his face. “Look…” his voice breaks, and I can see the anguish in his eyes. At least I think it’s anguish. “Don’t let a few uninformed comments from people who don’t matter come between us. We can fix this.”
My heart aches at his words, torn between wanting to believe him and the overwhelming fear of getting hurt again.
But once again, fear wins.
Fear is now my protector and the only thing I can trust, so I tell him unceremoniously, “There’s nothing left to fix.”
And I walk away.
kennedy
I don’t knowwhy I’m always surprised at the bite of a cool Nevada evening. I’ve lived here long enough to know the deal.
The cold nips at my face as I step out of my apartment building, the night air harsh against my skin. The world feels different tonight, emptier somehow, as if the darkness has seeped deeper into my bones. My steps are slow, heavy with the weight of what I’ve lost. Shane isn’t just an absent connection or a regret; he’s a part of me that I didn't realize I would miss this much.
As I wander through the nearly empty streets close to campus, memories play over in my mind like a silent movie, each scene more vivid than the last. There's Shane, laughing at something I said, his eyes crinkling at the corners. There's Shane, looking at me near the Suns Commons building, his gaze intense and full of something I was always afraid of.