Page 30 of Hearts Under Fire
She was covered in bubbles and was grateful for it. The wound hadn’t healed entirely, and Alexis’s shoulder looked mangled. The scarring was unavoidable, and Alexis wanted to start telling people she’d been mauled by a bear. Better story than taking almost a full clip in the shoulder in the sandbox.
Kate came in and sat on the floor next to the tub with her legs crossed. She rested her arm on the side of the tub and flicked at the water, mirroring Alexis’ movements.
“What’s up, babe?”
A smile came to her face at the endearment. “I want to talk about us. See how you’re feeling, make sure we are on the same page.”
Concern stirred in Alexis’s chest. “You haven’t changed your mind yet, have you?”
Kate’s eyes widened. “No. Absolutely not. I just know you said that you’ve never done this before. I haven’t been with anyone in over five years and my last girlfriend died. I figured good communication was the place for us to start.”
Relief spread through her, and she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.
“Okay. So, where do you want to start?” Alexis felt a bit awkward, unsure how couples normally went about confessing their feelings.
Kate chuckled at her. “It’s okay, don’t feel pressured. I just want to know what you’re feeling. Are you sick of me being here? Do you need a little more space, or is there anything I’m doing you don’t like? I know I brought a lot of my things with me, but--,”
Alexis interrupted Kate by grabbing her hand and sitting up to lean in close.
“Don’t go. I don’t mind your things being here. I actually kind of like it. I think, more than anything I’m just scared you’re going to change your mind or decide it’s all too much. Then when your things aren’t here anymore and you’re gone…” Alexis trailed off with a shrug and emotion clogged her throat.
“I’m not emotionally tough, Kate. At least not when it comes to love. I think you'll probably have to help me through it.”
Kate’s free hand reached out and cupped her cheek. She leaned in and captured Alexis’s mouth with her own, running her tongue along the seam of Alexis’s lips.
A small frown appeared, and Kate’s voice sounded vulnerable when she asked in a whisper, “You haven’t changed your mind aboutmeeither, have you?”
Alexis didn’t know if the question was hard to ask, but the guilt she felt at making Kate feel unsure was poisonous lead in her gut making her mouth taste like acid.
“Oh baby, no. I haven’t changed my mind. I want to be withyou.And only you. I promise that if I change my mind, and I definitelywon’t, I’ll tell you if that’s the case. I won’t just leave you wondering and in the dark.”
Kate’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. “I feel bad, making you change your lifestyle to be with me.”
Alarm ran through Alexis, and she had to abolish whatever fear lived in Kate that made her feel that way.
“No. Listen to me, Kate.” Alexis lifted the hand of her bad arm to join it with her other one and grasped Kate’s hands in her own. The pain was intense, but she ignored it. Kate’s eyes drifted to meet hers, and Alexis went on.
“I chose not to have relationships because I was afraid of getting attached and losing people. I’m already attached to you, and unfortunately for you, I’m not letting you go without a fight. I only lived that ‘lifestyle’ because I was lonely and wanted to fill some of the void. With you here, that void is already full.”
Silent tears ran down Kate’s face. “I hate crying. I feel like all I’ve done since we’ve met is cry.”
Alexis sighed. “Baby, that’s because you bottle things up and then let them all out at once. I bet you hadn’t cried in years before this. Eventually this wave of intense feeling will fade. It’s okay to let it out and feel the emotions as they’re happening to you. You’re only human, despite your efforts to be superwoman.”
Kate laughed and cried for a few more minutes, chatting with Alexis about her injury, and then a calm sense of peace settled over them.
“What are you going to do if the injury doesn’t heal?” Kate asked, bringing Alexis back to the present.
“I’m not sure. I’ve thought about it a lot. I guess I’ll apply to teach at one of the CRO locations. There’s plenty of positions open in the schoolhouses for nurses and CRO’s, and we’d be able to be stationed together. Or I can just follow you wherever you go. Maybe I’ll take up painting. Or sculpting. I’ve always wanted to learn how to carve my own tools out of wood.”
Her gaze lingered on Alexis, and Kate watched her with intensity. “You’d do that? Take a low-risk assignment and teach? To stay with me?”
Alexis reared back, confused. “Of course I would. There isn’t an assignment I wouldn’t take if it meant I got to stay with you. I love you, Kate. I want to have a future with you.”
A tear rolled down Kate’s face. “I love you, too.”
“Now, open that window so we can see the sun go down, and then get in the tub with me. I promise I’ll be good and keep my hands to myself.”
Laughing, Kate stripped out of her clothes, pulled open the window, and climbed into the tub. She sat between Alexis’s legs and leaned her head back on the uninjured side of Alexis’ chest.