Page 18 of Lady of Starfire

Talwyn pressed her lips together, feeling another tear fall. She’d wipe them away, but did not wish to move her wrists again. After being numb for so long, a part of her marveled at the fact that she was feeling anything at all.

“All is not lost, Talwyn,” Azrael said. And the way he spoke to her—a softness to his voice she rarely heard from him—it made the ache in her chest throb. Another feeling.

“You are wrong,” she whispered. “I had everything, and I lost it all. I cannot get it back.”

Azrael’s head tilted to the side. “No, you cannot.” She huffed a humorless laugh at his bluntness. “But you can decide how to do things differently if you are granted the possibility of doing so.”

“I do not know what that looks like.”

The corner of his lips tilted the smallest amount. Her mouth nearly fell open at his almost smile.

“Then I suppose the possibilities are endless.”

With that, he turned away from her again, and when he made it to the steps, he did not look back. She continued to stare at the stairwell long after she heard the door open and close at the top of the stairs.

Seeing as she was already standing, she took care of her needs and filled the tin cup with water from a pitcher they brought her with her meals before carefully lowering herself back to the floor. She held the cup between her palms, staring down at the still water within.

What if Azrael was right? What if she did find herself free on the other side of these bars? What if she was given that chance, despite not deserving it? What if she wasn’t alone? What if she’d just refused to let anyone get close enough to let her see that?

Spend your time preparing, Talwyn.

For so long her dreams and plans had revolved around revenge against the very kingdom she was now imprisoned in. She did not know how to dream about anything else.

But she had at one point in time.

Once upon a time she had dreamed of things other than vengeance. Back when being a queen had been the dream. When Eliné had been alive. When she hadn’t been at odds with Sorin.

She had lost everything, just like she’d said to Azrael. And while she regretted losing all thegoodin her life—her Courts, Azrael’s loyalty, her people’s trust— she did not regret losing the things weighing her down. That unyielding need for revenge. The sham of a relationship Tarek had convinced her she had. The bitterness over Sorin. She had lost those things, too.

Ever since she had found herself in cells in Baylorin, she had been thinking about what she would have done differently. How she had brought all this upon herself. How she deserved to be held behind bars, to be stripped of her throne, to meet death at the hand of Scarlett Aditya. It didn’t seem to matter what she did anymore. She fucked it up or made things worse in the end. She hadn’t thought of anything else because what was the godsdamn point? What was the point when there was nothing left to believe in?

Spend your time preparing, Talwyn.

But what if Azrael was right?

That question scared her more than the idea of death.

Nothing would look the same if she was given a mercy she was unworthy of. Nothing would be the same. She did not know how she would find her way in that new world. A world without millions looking to her to lead them. A world without shouldering expectations placed on her since she had entered this world. A world without the need for revenge.

She would carry the weight of her failures, yes, but what would it look like to just…live? To be able to be there for Ashtine, not as her queen but as her friend, as she should have done from the very beginning. To be able to enjoy the rain when it fell. To be able to see the beauty in the mountains and the waves of the sea instead of constantly worrying about the kingdom beyond them. To work beside the people she had once ruled over, to live beside them, to be one of them. To not be as alone as she felt.

What would it look like to dare to dream again?

Spend your time preparing, Talwyn.

And for the first time since that throne room, instead of thinking about what she would do differently if she could go back in time, she started planning what she would do if she was given the chance to atone in some way other than death.

Chapter5

Callan

Callan Solgard rushed down the halls of the castle following the directions he had written on a piece of parchment. He had overheard Commander Greybane telling Magdalena that Razik would be going to the continent to get Sawyer and Princess Ashtine after Prince Briar gave himself over to Alaric in exchange for the female he loved. But this exchange did not involve just Briar and Ashtine. It also involved the Tyndell siblings in exchange for the twin babes growing in Princess Ashtine’s belly, and if Razik was going, Eliza was likely going.

He’d heard about that, too. That Eliza had become Razik’s Source. From what he’d gathered over the last several weeks being among the Fae and Avonleyans, having a Source was rare and coveted. But it was also necessary for an Avonleyan to refill their power reserves quickly. This was part of the reason King Deimas and Queen Esmeray had separated the Fae from the Avonleyans all those years ago.

Except that the Avonleyans claimedtheyhad put the Wards up to protect their kingdom and had to cut themselves off from the Fae as part of the cost.

To be honest, Callan wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. The history he’d been taught during all his lessons was turning out to be wrong, or at the very least, not entirely accurate. But none of that was what had him rushing to catch the fire general before she left. He wanted to go back to his own continent.