Page 33 of Lady of Starfire
One thing at a time. That’s what she needed to do. Focus on just one thing.
But that was becoming impossible. No matter how hard she tried to stay focused on one thing, other things kept demanding her attention. Cethin. Callan. Kailia. It was piling up, and Kailia had been right. She was trying to balance it all, but all she was doing was collapsing beneath the weight of it.
“Scarlett?”
The sound of his voice nearly made her sob.
She opened her eyes to find Sorin lowered to a crouch before her. His hand came out, brushing stray hair from her face. “Callan said you were speaking with Kailia.”
“I was.”
“Are you all right?”
“How do you do it, Sorin?” she asked, her chest tight as anxiety clamped down on her. “How do you balance everything and everyone that needs your attention?”
“You are doing it, Scarlett,” he answered gently, sympathy and understanding shining in his muted amber eyes. “You put one foot in front of the other. You prioritize. You delegate like you are by sending Luan and Rayner to get Ashtine.”
“It doesn’t feel like enough,” she whispered. “It never feels like I am doing enough. I feel too inadequate to be ruling over so many. First it was two Courts. Now it is four. And now…” She paused, Sorin waiting patiently for her to gather her thoughts like he always did. “I always said I was not the one for this. Not because I did not think I could do it—that was never truly the issue—but because I am too fearful of failing everyone.”
Sorin shifted, moving into the space beside her. He took her hand, lips grazing her knuckles, before he pressed her palm to his chest
“Breathe, Love.” And she did. She took what felt like her first full breath since she’d returned from speaking with Saylah. She could feel his heart beating steadily beneath her palm, her own breathing naturally falling into rhythm with his. After a few moments, he said, “Scarlett, the moment you think you are doing enough? That is when you start to worry. The moment you stop feeling fearful of failing them? That is when you likely already are. Nothing about it is easy. This will not be the last time you will question everything you are and everything you are doing.” Fingers gently gripped her chin, turning her face to his. “But remember, my love, you are never alone.”
He leaned forward, closing the distance between their mouths. Lips brushed against hers, and she wished they could simply go back to their rooms and hide from the world. “Cassius told me I was becoming wise, but he has never experienced your profound monologues,” she murmured.
Sorin huffed a laugh, leaning back and flicking her nose. Then he got to his feet, pulling her up with him. She started down the hall, but he tugged her back to him. His fingers brushed along her jaw. “Like the stars love the night, Scarlett.”
“All the way through the darkness,” she murmured back, pushing up onto her tiptoes to kiss him again. He interlaced their fingers, leading her down the hall. “Everyone is waiting?”
“They are,” he confirmed.
“I was trying to find Eliza, then ran into Callan. He plans to go with them.”
“That seems…foolish.”
“It likely is, but we came to a compromise of sorts. There will be several Fae with him, plus Razik. He is a king of the realm. We let Tava and Drake make their own choices. I suppose he deserves the same courtesy.”
“True. We will not always agree with the choices of other rulers,” he replied thoughtfully, pushing open a door and ushering her through. “Such a wise queen,” he teased.
“I would like it noted that I have been called wise twice in one day by two separate people.” Sorin snickered. “I would also like it noted,” she continued, ignoring him, “that I achieved the status of ‘wise queen’ in less than a year, while it took you centuries to become a wise old sage.”
She heard him muttering under his breath as she flitted away from him, making her way over to Eliza. The general saw her coming and broke away from the crowd to meet her off to the side.
“You look unwell,” Eliza said, grey eyes sizing her up.
“I am tired. That is all,” Scarlett replied with a smile she knew Eliza could see right through. “But I was trying to find you. To ask howyouare.”
“Niara cleared me,” Eliza said defensively.
“I do not mean your wound, although I am glad to know you have recovered. I mean with, well, everything. Nakoa. Becoming Razik’s Source. All of it.”
Eliza adjusted a buckle across her chest. “I am…adjusting.”
“You are sure you have rested enough to be going? I am assuming Razik drew from you to fill his reserves for this mission.”
“He did, but as his Source, doesn’t it make more sense for me to go with him? If he drains his power while there, he will need me.”
Scarlett couldn’t argue with that. She just wanted some time with her friend. Such luxuries were clearly a thing of the past for the time being. “Callan told me he plans to go with you all to the continent.”