Page 98 of Rule Breaker

Taking a dick up the ass is a lot harder than it looks on screen. And if you’re not careful, porn can set you up forunrealistic sexpectations. Even with the prep of that dildo, I woke up the next morning with a sore freaking ass. Thank God we weren’t playing today because I’d be limping onandoff the ice. But the prep was worth it. And the actual fucking? It was more than I could’ve imagined. Intense, sexy, incredible. And I knew it had everything to do with Maddox.

I couldn’t have given myself like that to just any guy. Not my first time. Maybe not any time. Did that mean I was demi too? Probably. No shade to anyone, do what feels right for you. For me, it took trust. Trust, and a shitload of lube. I was so gone for Maddox and I knew that my emotions played into it. Even though I was scared of the potential pain, and worried I might not enjoy anal at all, I knew Maddox would never hurt me.

I suspected Maddox was the same. Given how prickly he usually was and how he didn’t warm to anyone easily. Or allow anyone to touch him at all, never mind like this.

Speaking of touching, I ran my hand over his right shoulder, over the detailed tattoos that I was fascinated with. The skull eating a nasty-looking snake. It was very different from the tattoos on his left arm; a large fish, surrounded by a variety of sea creatures. Both tattoos were beautiful in their own way, but I favoured the fish. Then I remembered he didn’t want to be touched there. I pulled my hand back, but it was too late.

“Vigilance.”

I stopped moving at Maddox’s sleep-roughened voice.

“The snake. It’s the very definition of my father. He was a narcissist and an abuser. And the skull represents me. Because I’m not afraid of him anymore, but I still need a reminder to protect myself. Always.”

I notched my face to his neck and kissed him gently. Maddox’s body tensed and then he relaxed into me.

“Jesus, Mad, I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

“He died two years ago in a car accident. He was doing 140 on a highway and lost control of the car. Kind of fitting since he was always losing control,” Maddox sighed. “My father, Corey Grange, was from Toronto; that’s where my parents met. He was a professional hockey player in Europe at the time and would come home for the summers. They divorced when I was four. Anyway, after that, Mom and I moved to New Brunswick. I only saw my father once or twice a year. He was a stranger to me. If I was lucky, I got a card on my birthday and a visit at Christmas. That was the extent of our relationship. But it didn’t really bother me. I had my mom and we had each other. She was…everything.”

Maddox paused and reached over his shoulder, placing his hand on mine.

“Genevieve Rocher was a force to be reckoned with. Strong. Bold. Full of life. The kind of person who walks into a room and everyone gravitates towards, you know? That’s why she didn’t get along with my dad. He couldn’t control her,” Maddox murmured. “She was an environmental scientist, and that’s where my love for all things ocean comes from. The tattoos on my left arm are all in memory of her.”

They were beautiful.Strong. Bold. Full of life.

“When I was eight, she started getting sick. She lost her appetite, she had trouble sleeping, and her blood pressure skyrocketed. She went to the doctor and after many rounds of tests, she was diagnosed with kidney disease. There were medications and dialysis, but things got progressively worse. She was waiting for a transplant for years,” Maddox paused, his fingers gripping mine harder. “When I was just shy of my thirteenth birthday, she developed an infection. Which led to sepsis. And then, just like that, she was gone.”

I hugged Maddox as tight as I could, wishing I could take away his heartbreak.

“I thought losing her was hell, but things got worse. By this time, my father was retired from playing and he’d moved back to Toronto to start up a contracting business. The week my mom died, he came to get me. He threw out her stuff, packed up all of mine, and moved me in with him. I was livid that he’d wiped out every trace of her, and that he’d taken me away from the only home I’d ever known. And I was still in shock, angry, hurt. Most of all, I was scared. I had no other family, and the only one I had left was a father I didn’t even know.”

It was the most he’d ever talked to me. The words poured out of him, the pain in his voice unmistakable.

“Mom always taught me to stand up for myself. I was a quiet kid, but when I made my mind up about something, that was it. My father, on the other hand, hated that I’d talk back to him. That I dared to question his authority. His way was the only way. I found that out not long after I moved in. He had all these rules about everything; what I should be studying, and eating, and listening to. Whenever I’d fuck up, he’d punish me. The first time I pushed back, he slapped me so fast, so hard, I almost didn’t believe it happened. Then, the slaps became backhands, and punches. Pretty soon, it was happening more often than I want to remember.”

Maddox paused, his body quaking in my arms.

“He said he was doing it to prepare me for the real world. To toughen me up.”

“Fuck, Mad.”

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so, I kept my secret for years. Until one night, just after I turned sixteen. After he…beat me, he made a disgusting joke about my mom’s death. It tipped me right over the fucking edge. The next day, I told Daniel what was happening. He suspected for a while that something was wrong. A few of the players on my team had noticed the bruises.But whenever he asked me, I played it off with an excuse; I hurt myself skateboarding or stuff like that.”

Maddox stopped talking. When he glanced over his shoulder, the pain in his eyes hit me right in the gut.

“And then my life imploded again when I came forward against my father. I had to talk to social workers, the police, therapists. My dad was charged with assault but never tried. Court backlog resulted in so many delays that the charges were eventually stayed. The only thing I had was a restraining order. And Daniel.” Maddox shuddered and then rolled over, facing me. “I got out, I got help, and I got better. Or, as good as I’m gonna get. But I’ll never be the person I was before him. My defense is up and it’s there to stay. I’m telling you this because, I never thought you and I would end up here. And I want you to know why I am the way I am. And while this is great now, I can’t promise things. Or, that I won’t push you away again. I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t know how to do this.”

I reached for him, and he nestled between my legs, staring down at me.

“You don’t need todoanything.”

“What?”

I looked up at him and pushed a lock of stray hair behind his ear. “Be yourself. We’re figuring this out, so there’s no pressure. And I like you exactly the way you are. In fact, I’d say that given where we are now, and how we ended up here, I like your scowl as much as your smile.”

Maddox shook his head. “I don’t smile.”

“Now you do.”