Page 88 of Menage a Passions
Jane didn’t roll her eyes. Nor did she crack a joke. “What pageant?”
“The one I lost.”
“Oh, you mean the one you made top five in, love?”
“Do you think I got fourth place? Or fifth?”
“Definitely fourth. New York was shambolic.”
Caitlyn was likely to disappear into her bathwater if Jane kept hyping her up like this. “I know it’s your job to make me feel better after the post-pageant crash…”
“The what?”
“…But you don’t have to say anything you don’t really mean. I wasn’t even expecting to make it that far. There’s still some part of me that wonders if I only made it to the top five because I was the only one not married to a man. They wanted some variety. You know, use it as part of the social media marketing to help draw in more views next time.”
Jane shrugged. “So what if you were?”
“Lin!”
“I am serious, love.” As Jane inched over the side of the tub, her fingers lightly flicked the bathtub before creating concentric circles right above Caitlyn’s lap. “We will never know why or how these things go the way they do. But they would have no claim to put you in the top five if you did not somehow deserve it. Trust me. I was watching the pageant, and you were above and beyond one of the most beautiful, most enchanting women there. Your answers were sweeter and less practiced than many others. You spoke from the heart while also juggling what you knew they wanted you to say. You even made sure Rebecca was acknowledged without talking about her so directly.”
Caitlyn wiped her wet hands across her cheeks. “I still feel a bit bad for going off to do something so selfish. You two could have used me here to help with work and Cecelia.”
“It was something you had to do. I supported that.”
“But did Ihaveto do it?”
“What is this about, love?” Jane’s touch lingered on Caitlyn’s knee as it poked out of the water. Her gentle caress made Caitlyn hug her arms closer to her body, wondering what she had done to deserve such a wife.Or life, for that matter.Love wasn’t always enough. Caitlyn was well aware of that. But they had more love in this bathroom than some couples had in their whole lives. “Something is eating away at you, and it is not me.” Jane flicked the water again. “Couldbe me, though.”
Caitlyn hooked her finger against Jane’s beneath the water. “You know how it is. You get older. You don’t quite recognize the woman in the mirror. Your favorite clothes don’t fit the way they used to. Your doctor isn’t just on you about your weight, but your blood pressure, your blood sugar, your damn teeth… I have reading glasses now. I’ve always had perfect vision. Until the past two years, anyway.”
“So we get older. I know I’m not a big magnet for weight gain, but I am not exactly looking the same as I did twenty years ago. Can I tell you a secret?” Jane scooched closer, her natural scent as comforting as the perfume of Caitlyn’s bubblebath. “I have got these wee lines at the side of my eyes. Let us also not forget that gray hair I found a few months ago.”
“Not quite the same, Lin.”
“No? Here is another secret. I have not told anyone, including you or Rebecca. The only person who knows is my doctor.”
Caitlyn was silent as she waited.
“I have missed two periods this year. Not in a row, mind, so I was not as out of sorts as you might think. But my doctor says I am atthatage. My body does not quite yet know what it wants to do about menopause. I do not remember the word she used. Started with a p.”
“Perimenopause?”
“There you go, love. Forever the bigger English vocabulary than me.”
“How?You’re technically not forty yet!”
“I don’t know. That is what they tell me. Apparently, you can start in your late thirties.”
Caitlyn studied her wife’s profile.I can’t tell that she’s gotten older at all.Jane looked much the same now as she had when she and Caitlyn met so many years ago. Haircut trends came and went, but even her clothing was largely the same between the suits, the sweaters, and the T-shirts she wore around the house. And while Jane took care of her skin, she was not big into makeup outside of around the eye when they had an event or important meetings.
She was just… perfect. As always.
“Guess that doesn’t make me feel better.”
Jane chuckled. “Was it supposed to? Honestly?”
Caitlyn squeezed her wife’s hand. “I think you were trying.”