Page 37 of Beyond the Rules
“Our coms were shot and our command thought we were dead.” Tanner’s fingers played distractedly with my hair, coiling and uncoiling a stubborn strand around his finger. “Nobody was coming to get us. The enemy was hunting us at every turn. They wanted nothing more than the scorched hides of a few dead SEALs adorning their banners. We were onourown.”
I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would’ve been like to be left for dead in hostile territory deep behind enemy lines. The fear would’veparalyzedme.
“The four of us became an independent unit, fighting to survive,” Tanner continued, his face sober, his mind thousands of miles away. “For ten days, we operated behind enemy lines, dodging the enemy hunting us, fighting them. We relied on each other to survive. It was kill or be killed, move or get caught, fight or die. Carlos didn’t make it. But we brought his body back to his family. That,wedid.”
The pain of his friend’s death deepened the lines that cased his mouth. He looked suddenly older. Gone was the light in his eyes, replaced by an odd darkness that pressed down on my chest. At that moment, I would’ve done anything to help erase the suffering, anything to bring back the smile I longed to see onhisface.
“On those mountains, we became combat brothers,” Tanner said. “It’s a rare and sacred bond and it’s one I intend to honor until the dayIdie.”
There was no pretense in his voice, no arrogance, no regret, only truth—his truth—and the unwavering determination to stand byhisoath.
“Sorry, that was probably more than you bargained for.” He forced his lips into a semblance of a smile. “Bottom line, we made it. After that, the challenge was to survive and thrive in the civilian world. And hereweare.”
“Thanks for telling me.” I hid a swell of tears, partly overwhelmed but also honored that he had shared something so private and personalwithme.
“I want honesty between us, always,” he said. “It’s only fair you should know before you decide what you wanttodo.”
“Don’t know if I really have a choice,” I said. “This thing between you and me? It’s prettyintense.”
“Agree,but…”
“Butwhat?”
He hesitated then forced the words out. “I need to know if you gravitate toward me becauseI’msafe.”
“Safe?” It took me a moment to figure out what he was talking about. In fact, it wasn’t until he eyed his crutches, leaning against the chair, that I began to get a sense of what he was trying to convey, and even then, Iwasn’tsure.
“Tanner?” I said. “I’m not a mind reader. The three of you? You’re used to communicating without words. I’m not, so talktome.”
His Adam’s apple dipped with a swallow that underscored how difficult talking about this was for him, how much of an effort he was making, formysake.
“When this first happened to me, I struggled. I’d go to the bars and clubs, and the women would gravitate to me, not because I was me, you know? But because I was the guy in the wheelchair. And then the guy with the crutches. My father—who thinks that a man’s masculinity is tied to how many different women he fucks every day—would berate me for not taking advantage of the situation. He once asked me if I had a broken dick, after I turned down the whore he bought me at hiscountryclub.”
Holy hell. “That’s horrible.” Tanner’s father had a lot in commonwithmine.
“Those girls at the bars? They didn’t want me for who I was. They wanted to be with me because I was safe. It’s what they likedaboutme.”
He was proud and he didn’t want a pass. No pity party, no excuses. Even though he’d been injured, he didn’t want to be seen as sick, weak, and least ofall, “safe.”
I buried my face under his chin and, nuzzling his throat, snuggled against him. “Do you want to know what my first coherent thought was when I firstmetyou?”
His chin rustled against my hair as henodded.
“I told myself: This guy, when he smiles, the way he makes me feel? He’s trouble.” I met his emerald gaze. “I didn’t see your crutches at first. I saw you. Your eyes. Your smile. I swear, I clung to your smile with all I had. I thought you were competent and smart and, even shaken as I was from the wreck, I thought you were, like, the hottest guy I’d seen in a longwhile.”
His mouth twitched. “You’re messing with my head,aren’tyou?”
“No way.” I sat up on his lap. “I’ve never believed in crazy shit like chemistry. Until I met you. You and I?It’swild.”
“True, but...” He paused before he continued. “I want to make sure you’ve got chemistry with Aiden and Zar, too. We come together, Nina. We’re combat brothers. I know it may be weird to you, but it’s all of us or noneofus.”
It was obvious that the bond these men shared was very deep. They were a team, in the truest sense of the word and they stood by each other on all of theirbattlefields.
I hesitated, but only for an instant. “Have the three of you ever shared a girlbefore?”
He stared at me as in disbelief. “What kind of questionisthat?”
“A good one, I think.” I lifted an eyebrow at him. “Are you going toanswerit?”