Page 44 of That First Flight

I don’t have the slightest clue what these feelings are.

I don’t do this shit.

Something shifted on Friday night when we had our midnight snack run in. It wasn’t the first time I was so close to her, but sitting on the counter and sharing a tub of ice cream together justfeltdifferent.

And let’s not discuss how many times I’ve had to jerk off in the shower at the thought of her just to get some form of release. There’s no part of me that wants to head to the bar on a random night and find someone because the woman in my apartment is taking over every part of my life. In the most surprising way possible.

I’m definitely not mad about it.

“Should we get the hard or soft shells?” Mackenzie says, holding up two boxes of taco shells while we decide which ones to buy for dinner.

“Your call, Kenzie.”

“I’ve never had the hard shell ones.” She shrugs. “So I don’t want to waste money and get these. What if I don’t like them?”

I’ve heard Macey talk about how she’s ‘broke as a joke’ but it wasn’t until coming to the grocery store with Mackenzie that I realized they struggled a lot more than she let on. I asked her if she wanted any snacks for the house and she denied them all.

What kiddoesn’twant snacks?

I get it though. It’s not something someone wants to showcase to everyone. Although our situations are different and I’m grateful for what I have, I hate people knowing. When you have money, people look at you differently. You find that people are nicer to you because they need something from you. Quite frankly, her situation doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t make me look at either of them any different, but rather makes me want to give both of them the entire world.

They deserve it.

However, doing so runs the risk of Macey feeling like she’s less than who she really is and in need of a handout. Which she isn’t.

She’s so much stronger than she thinks she is and I have front row seats to watch her make it happen.

“Let’s get both,” I finally reply back. “If you don’t like the hard shell ones, I’ll eat them.”

“Are you sure?”

“One thing you’ll learn about me is that I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. I told your mother the same thing. And right now… I want to buyallthe tacos.”

She giggles. “You’re really nice. You know that?”

“I’ve been told that a time or two,” I laugh back with her.

I was really happy when Mackenzie asked to tag along for my grocery store trip to grab a few things for dinner tonight. I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with her since they moved here because I was gone for work and she’s been busy starting school.

She’s also obsessed with her new room and rarely comes out.

She asked if we could walk because she’s learning to really love exploring the city on foot. She’s fascinated by the fact that most people don’t have cars and walk everywhere they need to go.

“How was school today?” I ask her.

“It was really good,” she emphasizes. “Like really good.”

I raise a brow. “Really good as in, you got an A on a math test? Or really good as in, they gave out free pizza for lunch?”

“Neither. Really good as in I made two new friends. It was amazing.”

“You’re a likable kid, Kenzie. Of course you made friends.”

Her face falls. “I didn’t have very many friends when we were in the mountains. You were my first friend there.”

I… what?

“What do you mean?” I ask as we move down the dairy aisle to grab some cheese.