Page 34 of That Last Secret

“Not all cops cheat on their spouse, Em,” Kali says. “Totally an inaccurate stereotype.”

“I agree.” Avery nods. “The small town I grew up in, everyone knew everyone. I knew dozens and dozens of cops there. Not a single one ever cheated on their wife or girlfriend. That shit would have been the talk of the town if any of them had.”

“And Logan doesn’t seem like the type,” Kali adds.

I’ve replayed our interaction after he brought me home after my panic attack in the library repeatedly.

For many reasons.

The look on his face after I told him he didn’t have to rescue someone he couldn’t stand was indifferent. I couldn’t figure out for my life if it was because I was wrong or right. He’s so hot and cold with me.

One minute, he’s showing up and making sure I’m okay.

Then he’s asking me to call him if I have them again.

Then he’s storming off without another word.

To add to the juxtaposition I’m facing, I can’t rid myself of the idea of having my arms around him on the back of his motorcycle. It was hot, intense, and intimate—especially knowing I’m the only female who has ever been on the back of it.

I can’t help but want to be in that position with him again, even if the motorcycle scares the hell out of me. Logan scares me just the same.

“You two clearly don’t know him the way I know him,” I snort. “Logan is the biggest playboy there is. I don’t think I have ever seen him with the same girl more than once. Tommy will tell you the same thing. Evenhethinks his friend is a playboy.”

Only some of what I said is a lie. In the past, Logan was the biggest playboy in school. I remember it vividly as I listened to him talk with my brothers in the kitchen when he would come over to hang out.

It’s one of the biggest reasons they told Logan I was off-limits.

But lately, I can’t stop wondering… what if he wasn’t.

“Didyou go out last night to celebrate your promotion?” Silas asks between bites of his sandwich.

“No, I didn’t have it in me. I was beat,” I answer, which isn’t a lie.

Yesterday morning, I got promoted to captain, which is just another step closer to becoming chief. I’m not naïve to believe that it will happen overnight, and that role comes with hard work and sacrifices.

But the path to this promotion has demanded significant sacrifices from my personal life. I’ve often had to put my own needs on hold to pursue this goal, and I want nothing more than to make my father proud.

When I got the news, I was overcome with emotion, but I kept it all deep under the surface, hidden under the shell that I keep up around everyone.

A surge of pride washed over me as I looked out at the room filled with my fellow officers. I was chosen for this, a moment I wished my father could witness with a proud smile on his face.

But he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

Even when I finally land the chief position, whether next year or five years from now, he still won’t be standing there, and that thought alone guts me.

Despite that, I was deeply grateful Thomas showed up for me. His presence and that of my other friends in the department were a powerful reminder that I am not alone in this journey. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of friends to be there when my dad can’t be. Right before I was called up, I watched a fellow officer get his promotion, and his wife and young son were beaming with pride.

For a split second, I thought about how incredible it must feel to have someone who loves you with their whole chest standing there, supporting and cheering you on. But it was only for a split second because I was quickly reminded that that’s not what I want.

If something were to happen to me, I wouldn’t want my wife or, hell… even my children, to have to suffer the rest of their lives without me.

“Damn.” He shakes his head. “You haven’t been out since your birthday last month. You know… the night you ditched me. Which we have yet to discuss.”

Yeah, no shit, I haven’t talked about it.

I haven’t talked to anyone about it, and I’ve been harboring my feelings for the last month. It’s not because I think Silas would say anything to the Ford brothers since he’s only met them a handful of times, but saying anything about it out loud makes it feel real. I don’t want it to feel real.

I can’t ever allow myself to get close to her like that again or I might definitely change my mind about my future plans.