Page 50 of That Last Secret
Despite the amount of sangria I drank, I remember every single detail of that drive home. How embarrassed I felt, laughing so hard and then crying. Who the hell cries on the side of the road? Just thinking about it makes me cringe.
What I didn’t anticipate was that Logan would spill more than I ever expected him to spill. One day, he admits he wants me but can’t have me. Then he admits to flirting with me and how it’s impossible not to. I haven’t seen him since, but my resolve around him is slowly cracking.
Everything I’ve felt for him in the past is creeping back to the surface slowly but surely as I fight to keep it down.
“So he didn’t come into your apartment or anything when he dropped you off?”
I shake my head. “He was a true gentleman.” I laugh lightly. “But I won’t lie to you. Ever since you put the idea in my head, I almost want him to do very non-gentlemanly things to me. When he dropped me off at my door, I invited him in, but he declined and said it’s best for the both of us if he went home.”
“Best for the both of us?! Is he joking?” Brooke practically shouts.
“I know. I know. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,” I admit. “I’m constantly back and forth in my head about how I need to keep it the way it is, but there’s no denying it anymore. I want him.”
My body shivers the moment the words leave my lips.
I want him.
But to what extent do I want him?
I can’t get involved in a relationship right now, with school starting up again, or in a friends-with-benefits situation because I know my heart enough to know it will end up broken.
“I love this for you,” Brooke says.
“I don’t,” I scoff. “I can’t stand these feelings and thoughts running through my brain. You know I’m a chronic over-thinker and a total people pleaser. All of this makes a bad combination of trying to figure out what he’s thinking and what he wants.”
Brooke’s lips curve up in almost a sinister smile. “You know… you could always ask Logan himself.”
“Are you insane?”
“You already know I am,” she says casually. “Stop worrying about pleasing your brothers for two seconds and worry about yourself. If your brothers finding out is the biggest issue you face, then you two can do the secret hookup thing. This is your life, Emiline. Not theirs. They can’t fault you for who you fall in love with and who you choose to spend your time with.”
“Whoa, whoa, I said nothing about falling in love with him,” I defend.
“Okay, I might have taken it too far with that. But all the other stuff. Listen, babe, I know you’re the type of person who wants to please everyone around you. I love you for that, but it’s time you worry about you. It’s time you focus on what makesyouhappy, not what makes me, your friends, or your brothers happy. Although, you doing the dirty with Logan would make meveryhappy.” Brooke winks.
“You’re unreal, you know that, right?”
“And that’s one of the many reasons you love me,” she says with conviction.
With that, we both fall into a bout of laughter and continue our lunch date where we talk about our schedule and the next few assignments we have for our summer class.
Throughout the whole conversation, I can’t seem to get Logan off my mind because Brooke is right.
It’s about time I put myself first.
“In the wordsof the Jonas Brothers, it’s been a hell of a week, but we made it.” Silas sighs from the passenger seat.
“Your obsession with the Jonas Brothers is concerning. And you know it’s only Tuesday, right?”
“Semantics.” He shrugs.
He’s right. It really has been a hell of a week. Even though it’s only our second shift out of three.
Yesterday, we had at least seven calls before midnight even hit. Between drunk drivers, bar fights, and even an attempted robbery at the corner store, it was a mess. But this always happens in the middle of July.
It doesn’t help that Silas and I worked more overtime than we could handle since Mason randomly moved out of state. It’s not that he worked that hard to begin with, but having him gone forced more than half the department to cover shifts.
With Silas being single and me wanting the promotion to chief more than my next breath, it benefited us to take most of them.