Page 42 of Going for Two
“Nolan.” I gently said his name to stop him in the middle of his rambling speech. “I know this season means a lot to you and that’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.”
His face crumbled with anguish. “But that’s just it, Lottie. I do have to explain myself, because even if this season does mean a lot to me, I don’t want to let it ruin the relationships I have with the people that are most important in my life.”
I heard an intake of breath from my bedroom and had to fight the urge not to yell at my little sister to close the door the rest of the way.
“I never got to tell you this last Sunday—but I like you, Lottie. I didn’t expect this to happen when I first met you. I wanted to avoid you at all costs and not because I found you utterly distracting by how beautiful you are, but because I was scared that someone as smart as you would see just how pathetic I am. A grown man who can’t just fucking move on. What I didn’t expect was for you to still see through all my different pretenses and accept me for it all while working with me to figure out how you could best help me achieve everything I want.”
Nolan’s words stripped me bare. I had never expected him to be so vulnerable with me, especially after his injury during the last game. I was certain he was the exact kind of man I needed to avoid—someone who put their career and interests over the people in their life. I had watched my father constantly choose football over my mother and then Olivia and me.
I deserved more than to be an afterthought.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me right now. I’m not sure I deserve that,” Nolan continued. “But I wanted to extend an act of good faith or an olive branch. I know you wanted to go sledding for part of your bucket list and I called in the troops to make that happen.”
A voice in my head told me I needed to trust easier and not expect every man in my life to abandon me, but that was a trauma that still had years of healing. I hated my father for how badly he’d managed to stain every aspect of my life without even caring enough to do so intentionally.
“I only want you to know that I care about you, Lottie. I didn’t want to admit out loud that I’m scared of what’s next for me after this season is over, but I must if I want to do better. I’m not perfect, I know that. I’m just asking for you to take a chance on a guy that’s in the process of trying to figure out who he is now.”
It would be hypocritical of me to not forgive Nolan because I understood what it meant to reinvent yourself. I remembered an eighteen-year-old Lottie promising that someday she’d be somebody people wanted instead of being discarded and she worked every day of her adult life to achieve that when it came to her work. Maybe Nolan and I weren’t that different—he wanted to be loved and remembered, just like I did when I first stepped out on my own.
“I’ll go change,” I told him. I wasn’t ready to tell him that I forgave him yet and especially that I hadn’t stopped thinking about him all week, even after he tossed me to the side so easily. Instead, I could at least meet him in the middle on this. I didn’t miss the relief that filled Nolan’s brown eyes before I disappeared into my bedroom.
“You didn’t tell me about you andNolan Hill!” my sister whisper-shouted at me the moment I closed the door behind me.
“That’s because I wasn’t sure there was anything to tell,” I told her as I dug around in my closet for clothes warm enough to go sledding in.
“What happened?” Olivia asked as she threw herself onto my bed.
“The best way to describe Nolan is he’s a man who’s afraid of the unknown, and for a moment on Sunday, he let that get in the way of our relationship—both professional and whatever else is happening between us.” My voice came out muffled as I pulled my thickest sweatshirt over my head.
“We’re all afraid of something, Lottie,” Olivia said, with a look on her face that suggested she was familiar with the feeling.
“Is everything okay?” I asked her.
Olivia waved me off and flashed me one of her carefree smiles. “Oh, I’m fine. Now tell me, big sister, did you sleep with Nolan Hill?”
There wasn’t any chance that I was going to be able to hide the truth from her. She knew me better than anyone else and the flush creeping up my neck was bound to be a dead giveaway.
“Oh my gosh!”
I tried to hush her because the man we were speaking about was only on the other side of my door.
“Was it good? Damnit, why is everyone getting some action around here except for me?”
I cringed because although Olivia and I were best friends, I still didn’t want to hear about my little sister’s sexual escapades.
“Who knew my perfect older sister would be the one to do something so scandalous.”
“It’s not scandalous,” I argued, growing hot for something other than the many layers of clothes I had on.
Olivia rubbed her hands together like an evil villain. “Oh, today is going to be so fun.”
“No, no, no.” I pointed a finger. “You are not going to mess with Nolan. Absolutely not.”
My sister just gave me one of the smiles that I knew meant trouble before throwing my bedroom door open and walkingback out into the living room. Nolan was now waiting for us on my couch and avoiding eye contact.
Damnit, Olivia. Could you have spoken any louder?
“We’re ready,” I told him. Nolan jumped up like he was thankful for something to do to avoid the awkward tension that Olivia was eating up like popcorn.