Page 53 of Going for Two

The answer was easy for me. I’d known for a few months that I liked Nolan, that much was obvious. But what I was struggling with was what I was going to do about it. There was just over a month left in the season, but even when the season ended, that didn’t address the voice inside of my head telling me I wasn’t worthy of him, that I wasn’t worthy to be loved, and part of me wondered if maybe it was true. Maybe I was always meant to be there for others but never have someone be there for me. Maybe I really didn’t know how to love someone because I’d never had the chance to be taught how growing up.

“I do like him,” I told Olivia after I fought through all the thoughts in my head. Even though Maggie and Olivia looked like they were waiting for me to say more, that was as much as I could give them with complete certainty for now.

“That man matches your energy.” Olivia’s voice was casual, but the intensity of her gaze told me that she thought I better not write this one off like any of the other guys I’d dated, or she’d never let me hear the end of it.

“I’ve never seen you smile as much as you have since you’ve sat down,” Maggie added. “And I think we can all agree why that is.”

I wanted to tell them that I was just happy with where my life was right now, but that wasn’t the whole truth. Iwashappy with my life right now, but a lot of that had to do with Nolan. Laughter and smiles always came easy with him. So instead of denying it, I simply let the small smile spread across my face at the thought of him and enjoyed my favorite restaurant with two of my favorite people without letting the fear living in the back of my mind ruin the moment.

Chapter 25

Lottie

“How was lunch?” Nolan asked with that same smile that was there when he dropped me off. It was the kind of smile that turned women’s heads and had them wondering how they’d get his attention so that he noticed them. So I actually felt lucky that his attention was just for me as he pulled his car away from the curb and toward the next part of my day that he’d planned.

Maybe Olivia was right, and I should stop getting in the way of myself.

“It was great. Olivia and Maggie mentioned you planned most of today?” I asked slyly, watching red slowly color the tops of Nolan’s ears.

“They helped.” Nolan’s defense was a shrug of his shoulders, as if planning all of this for me was no big deal.

I decided to give him a break as I watched him turn the color of red wine and fidget under my gaze. “Where to next?”

The nervous set of his shoulders deflated at the change in topic. “The grocery store,” he told me.

“What?” I asked, wondering if I heard him right.

“We’re going to the grocery store.” Nolan looked even more excited about this than the spa.

“Why?” His grin grew even wider at the hesitation in my voice.

“Because you never cook for yourself, and I always see takeout menus on your counter whenever I’ve been at your place. I want to teach you to cook an easy meal that you can manage after a long day.”

Nolan was right. Most of the time, I was too tired to cook anything for myself after practice. This gesture almost meant more to me than the massage did. He clearly had a love for cooking, and he wanted to share that with me.

“I thought we could shop together for the ingredients and then go back to your place and cook it in your own kitchen. The next time you think about ordering takeout again when it’s just you, you have another option.” Nolan parked the car in a spot near the front of the parking lot. The two of us walked together into the store and I was hit once again with how normal it was to be doing this together.

But what stood out even more was howrightit felt.

Nolan pushed the cart and began listing off the ingredients we would need as the two of us worked our way through the aisles of the store.

“Do you have any Cajun seasoning?” Nolan asked me as we turned into the spice aisle.

I opened my mouth to tell him that I only had the basics when the words died on my tongue. I was sure I was seeing a ghost at the other end of the aisle. It had been almost a decade since I’d last seen him, but I recognized him instantly. His beard was now salt and pepper and I remembered that I used to love watching him shave when I was little before I realized how cruel he truly was. The wrinkles on his forehead and around his eyes had deepened since the last time I saw him. His hair had turned a silvery-white, no longer the color that mine was. He looked much more put together than the disheveled man I remembered from my childhood.

“Actually, I thought I saw a container of Cajun seasoning on an end cap,” I told Nolan as I grabbed his arm and pulled him back out of the aisle before my father noticed us.

I had spent years dreaming about the day I might see him again and what that would be like—running into him in a grocery store in the spice aisle was not a scenario I had ever thought would be possible.

Nolan let out a small noise of protest, clearly confused by my erratic behavior, but still followed me out of the aisle. I grabbed the container of seasoning we needed that I had spotted near the self-checkout section and breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t ready to face the man who had ruined much of my childhood and changed who I was at my very core, especially not while I was with Nolan. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me flounder.

“Is that everything?” I asked him, my eyes darting back toward the spice aisle we’d just left.

“I think so,” Nolan replied as he scrolled through his list on his phone.

A moment later, my father exited the spice aisle and began walking our way.

“Okay, great!” I exclaimed. “Let’s check out.”