Page 55 of Going for Two

My wine glass froze just before it reached my lips once I registered his words. The hard brown eyes that I saw the very first time I met him were nowhere to be seen. His eyes shined with a sincerity that had me fighting that voice inside of my head once again trying to sabotage the moment.

“I had the best day and that was all thanks to you.” I set my wine glass down on the counter next to me and reached over to squeeze his forearm. Nolan looked down at my hand before raising his gaze back to mine.

“I know you want to wait before we explore whatever is going on between us.”

I sucked in a breath and held it as I waited for what he would say next.

“But I would like to talk about what exactlyisgoing on, like put a name to it.”

The buzzer of the oven rang through my stunned silence and gave me a few more seconds to get my thoughts together. I grabbed a knife to cut the flatbread into pieces for both of us asNolan went to sit at my kitchen table. His quiet patience felt like a weighted blanket attempting to calm me, but I was aware of its weight at every moment.

“What kind of name are you looking for?” I asked as I set both plates down on the table. Nolan gave me a soft “thank you” as he took it from me. I wished I could be like my sister in that moment and find some way to throw humor into the situation to make it feel a little bit lighter.

But I wasn’t lighthearted and wild like my sister, I was responsible and cautious—and I avoided situations of unnecessary risk, much like the conversation that was unfolding currently.

Nolan let out a long sigh as he prepared himself for what he wanted to say next. “I like you, Lottie. And I don’t care how many times I have to say it to you for you to believe me. More than any other person I’ve ever met. I don’t know what that means necessarily because you don’t want to get involved …” Nolan trailed off as I watched his steadiness devolve into distress.

My chest ached as I watched him struggle with putting his feelings out in the open and I wanted to ease some of his worries. I took a deep breath and tried to steady the nervous energy zipping through my body, narrowing my focus.

“I like you, too, Nolan.” Nolan’s gaze snapped up to meet mine, wide with surprise as if he hadn’t expected me to feel the same way despite all that had happened between us thus far. “But we can’t deny that our situation is complicated.”

Nolan sighed and the look on his face was more defeated than after the Bobcats’ only loss this season. His shoulders slumped forward, and he dropped his head into his hands.

“What are you wanting to establish from this?” I asked him. I hadn’t expected this conversation to happen today, but I wouldbe lying if I hadn’t expected it to happen eventually. But I had gotten swept up in simply enjoying my time with Nolan and hadn’t thought about labeling what exactly we were doing—which was very unlike me.

“I want to date you, Lottie,” Nolan told me, his face serious. “But I want to respect your wishes, no matter how hard that is for me to do. Because if it were up to me, I’d have you on my arm right now as I proudly told the world that I’m yours. All I want is to be able to tell people that you’re my girlfriend, but if we must continue as we are for the remainder of the season, I can live with that.”

My breathing grew shallow as I tried to get my brain to function enough to craft a response. Nolan was the first person I’d ever dated whereeverythingfelt different. It was easy and comforting. He’d quickly become my favorite person to see during the day and the only person I wanted to tell when something good happened. He challenged me to be a better person and gave me a space in his life to make me feel like I belonged there with him.

But the truth was, it wasn’t the fear of losing my job that was stopping me. It was the fear of being unlovable, of not being worthy enough for someone as great as Nolan Hill to want to be with me. The fear of losing my job was simply a cover for the more complex feelings I was avoiding.

“I just want to be extremely clear, Lottie,” Nolan continued, those beautiful brown eyes boring into mine. “The second this season is over, we are going to be having this conversation again. I understand you want to wait till I’m retired and no longer a player. When that confetti falls from the ceiling of the stadium after we win the Super Bowl, you’ll be the person I want to share it with.”

Chapter 26

Nolan

The annual Bobcats’ Christmas party happened on the Thursday night before our game on Christmas Eve that following Sunday. Every year, the organization rented out the Field Museum for the event and transformed the entire place into a winter wonderland to celebrate the season.

What many fans didn’t realize was that the players, coaches, and staff often didn’t get to celebrate the holidays the same way that everyone else did. We had practices and games on major holidays and if we did get to celebrate, it was with each other rather than with our families. To bring some semblance of the holiday season, the organization threw a giant party with a five-course meal, music and dancing, and gifts for everyone.

I normally didn’t enjoy the party because over the past few years I had shown up alone and had to mingle with the owner and other investors all night rather than having fun with my teammates. These events had never been my style.

But tonight, I didn’t mind having to schmooze various investors or the owner’s family because I got to watch Lottie glide through the room from afar. She was in a floor-length black dress that hugged every curve of her body that I had memorized at this point. It was as if my mind knew exactly where she was at all times without having to search for her. As I moved around the room talking to different people, I always found her in the crowd like a beacon of light that kept me sane as my face began to hurt from smiling so much.

Lottie laughed with people from the training staff, shook hands with the owner before I had had the chance to talk with him, and then allowed players to introduce her to their families that she hadn’t met yet. She was an enigma, radiating beauty and the kind of energy that forced you to notice her.

“I heard that you were given the offer of returning next year for another season,” Gary Martinez, the owner of the Bobcats, told me after I’d greeted him with a firm handshake. He was in charge of most of the personnel decisions within the organization, players and staff alike.

“I was,” I told him, wary of where this conversation was going and that we were having it in a room full of people that I would rather not overhear it.

Ever since my perspective around the games had changed these past few weeks, the offer that my coach had given me had slipped to the back of my mind. That ugly monster inside of me that worried about if my performance this season would be good enough was finally silenced. All the questions it normally asked were dulled out.

Would I make myself proud enough?

Did I do enough to cement myself up there with the greats that had played in the NFL?

None of those questions had floated around inside of my head these past few weeks and I owed much of the reason for it to Lottie for how she changed my perspective on the game. Her reminder of having fun had helped me to reprioritize what was important to me and allowed me to let loose on the field.