Page 71 of Going for Two
“Are you going to stop trying to avoid Nolan at practice today? Because I know you have already thought about it and I think you should.” Olivia gave me a knowing look.
I wanted to disappear into my mattress, embarrassed by Olivia needing to call me out for my antics.
“We’ll see,” I mumbled with my hands covering my face.
“I expect an update tonight.”
I winced as Olivia jabbed a finger toward me. “Don’t you have something to do today?” I asked her, suddenly ready to be done with the lecture.
“It’s the off-season for me. I have nothing but free time on my hands. All I care about right now is if the Bobcats win the Super Bowl because I’m forcing Nolan to take both of us to Disney with him if you two manage to make up.”
My heart sank at the thought of Nolan achieving everything he wanted to when he set out on this season and then not being able to celebrate fully with him.
“Will you be alright?” Olivia asked me as she rolled out of my bed.
I don’t know.
But I nodded anyways with the hope that eventually my heart would stop aching. Maybe I had been foolish to think someone like me deserved to be happy and was capable of being in a relationship because the truth was, I wasn’t sure if I actually knew how.
Chapter 32
Nolan
Dark circles had appeared under my eyes by the end of the week. I had barely slept a handful of hours after the first playoff game and my conversation with Lottie. She had done her best throughout the week to minimize the number of times we needed to be around each other, and I did my best to respect that decision.
My conversation with Hawthorn kept replaying over and over in my head. Before Lottie, a relationship was not at the top of my priority list. But after I got to know her, I’d realized what I had been missing in my life. All the accolades and championship rings wouldn’t compare to Charlotte Thompson. But I’d let my selfish desires fueled by fear cloud my judgement and rule my decision making.
Lottie was right, I had to make the decision that was best for me, and she would follow accordingly with what was best for her. No matter how badly that hurt. If I didn’t walk away from this decision completely satisfied with it, I would always wonder about what could have been.
With tomorrow’s game quickly approaching, I wanted to talk with her one more time with the hope that we’d be able to smooth things over for the remaining games of the season.
My intention was to tell her that I still wanted to be friends and that I thought we worked better as such if only to make this easier on us both. But as soon as I walked into the training room and caught sight of her as she got ready for practice, I realizedbeing just friends with Charlotte Thompson for good would be nearly impossible.
Just seeing her made my palms begin to sweat and I ached to reach for her. My breath caught in my throat as I closed the last bit of distance between us. All my carefully crafted thoughts went right out the window the second she turned around and we made eye contact.
Her eyes were as red as the circles under my eyes were dark. I hated myself for making her this sad. While our time apart had been near agony, it helped me realize where I wanted my life to go next. I wanted a partner and a family that I could put my focus into. The idea of postponing starting that next chapter of my life had my stomach sinking while the potential of that new chapter starting in a few short weeks felt exciting.
We continued to stare at each other for a few more seconds—both of us realizing that we were about to speak for the first time in nearly five days. It was the longest we’d gone without talking since we met.
“Hi,” I told her.
“How are you feeling?” Lottie asked, jumping right into physical therapist mode.
I missed the Lottie I used to have that would smile when she first saw me and joke about anything under the sun. Even when we weren’t sure what was happening between us.
“Concerning my body, I feel ready to win a conference championship tomorrow. Regarding everything else, I think we really need to talk,” I told her.
Lottie took a deep breath in and held it for a few seconds before she slowly blew it out between her lips. Finally, her eyes met mine and she gave me a small nod. “Okay,” she agreed.
“I’m sorry that I’ve created this divide between us, and it’s been the longest week without you in it.” I watched her face soften asshe listened to me and gave me the space to get my feelings off my chest. “I play my best andammy best when I have you in my life. All I’m hoping for is that we can work together like old times to finish out this season. I owe so much of my success to you, and I want you to enjoy it as well.”
Lottie folded and unfolded an extra towel in her hands before she finally spoke. “I appreciate that very much and I’ve missed having our normal weekly conversations, too.”
When she gave me the smallest hint of a smile, my stomach started doing somersaults. If I had it my way, Lottie and I would still be together, but I had to respect her wishes. I had to give her the space to work through her own problems, just like I had to work through mine. Even if I was slowly realizing that what I truly wanted next year was to remain in this facility giving knowledge to the next generation of players as a coach while starting my own family I could be proud of just like Adam and Hawthorn.
A comfortable silence filled the room after we finished clearing the air between us to the best of our ability for right now. The realization of where I’d come to for my decision on next year bounced around in my head while Lottie helped me to get my body ready for the game. So much so, that by the time that she wrapped up her treatment, all I could think about was how I truly was ready to be done at the end of this season. No matter if we won or lost.
I walked back out of the training room, headed for the locker room, when my eye caught my very first Super Bowl trophy—proudly displayed in the hallway most traveled in the practice facility.