Page 67 of Claiming Demons

Oh.

“Essentially, yes,” Raphael said. “And Inanna in particular wasn’t seen in the most favorable light by my brethren.”

“Ah.” Yeah, a goddess of sex and war flirting with an angel. I could see how that might not go over well.

“Wait…” I said drawing out the word. “Wouldn’t your Yahweh have known? Isn’t he all-seeing and all-knowing or something?”

Again, Ramsey laughed, but it was Raphael who answered.

“As much as it’s against dogma to say so, ah… no god is truly omniscient or omnipotent, though some do come close. Secrets can be kept from almost anyone if you’re careful enough.”

“Understood. Go on,” I said, surprised that I was getting quite invested in the story. As much as most kids don’t want to hear their parents’ love story, I was fascinated.

“As I got to know Inanna, in addition to her beauty and love and… her many other charms, I began to notice a sadness about her. When I asked her about it, she told me that her love for me had revealed to her how much she’d become numb to the world. She was ancient, older than most beings, and she’d seen great loves come and go. But she’d also seen great wars and had lost her faith in humanity’s ability to love.”

I understood that. I didn’t watch the news anymore because it all seemed bad these days. It seemed like people had forgotten how to love and care for each other.

“Then, about forty years ago, the two of us came up with a plan.”

Oh! This is it, my story!

I leaned in, attentive.

“We would have a child, she and I.” He looked at me with that glowing fatherly affection. “A girl.” He took another long moment to admire me, then sighed softly. “But again, we had to keep everything secret. No one could know what we were doing. So, Inanna, as in tune with fertility as she was, decided to birth the child quickly, in secret. At the same time, Inanna would disappear. She spread rumors that she was feeling weak and faint, losing her strength. It isn’t uncommon for some gods to just fade away into nothingness. We hoped people would think that’s what happened.”

I hesitated from asking why, hoping he’d explain.

“In truth, Inanna didn’t die at all. She subsumed her existence into that of her child.” Raphael looked at me. “She’s within you, Anais.” Then, like Shiva had done earlier, Raphael seemed to look through me, deep into my soul. “Hello, my beloved.”

Warmth stirred deep within me.

So…You’re my mother?I asked, seeking out that voice once again.

I am, Anais. I would say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but I’ve always been with you. I’ve been a part of you every moment of your life.

Again, I wanted to ask why, but I held off. Instead, I simply said,Hi, Mom.

Hello, my dearest child.

The voice was cheerful and so full of love. It made me feel like I was wrapped in a warm blanket of motherly affection and tenderness. Tears welled in my eyes as I smiled.

“Our plan was for Inanna to experience the fullness of life, the brevity and immediacy of a human’s existence,” Raphael continued. “She wanted to know love and strife and heartache and motherhood so that she might reconnect with all of these things. But, in order for our plan to work, no one could know. Not even you, Anais. I’m sorry for that.”

“Hence, my adoption records vanishing.” I nodded.

“Indeed,” he said, eyes filled with sympathy. “And it broke my heart that I wouldn’t be there for you. But because of the secrecy around our relationship, I couldn’t be the father I’d hoped I might be. That… pained me.”

I could hear it, the agony in his voice that he’d had to stay away.

“I could check in on you from time to time, but no more.” He came and knelt on the floor beside the couch where I sat. “Can you forgive me, Anais?” He clasped one of my hands in both of his.

I nodded. “Yes. Now that I know why, everything makes a lot more sense. Well, not everything, but my parentage and childhood make more sense at least. I forgive you, Raphael… Father.”

And I forgive you, Mother,I said in my head.

Thank you, my dear.

“I’m glad,” Raphael said with a smile. Then he tilted his head, looking curious. “That’s most of my tale, but… there’s more. Except I don’t know the next part, Anais, only you do.”