Page 79 of Revived
Chapter 25
Rachel
“Are you just going to lie on the couch and watch television all day?”
“Are you going to judge me if I do?” I ask, my head still resting on the pillow, not bothering to look up at the concerned face of my best friend.
“You know I won’t. But don’t you think you should try to do something today? Get up and move a bit? Wanna go for a run with me?”
I scoff at her. She may be my best friend, but clearly she’s forgotten who she’s speaking to right now. “No, I don’t want to run. I’ve never understood why people do that for fun to begin with.”
“Rachel,” she speaks softly before sitting down on the portion of the couch cushions still open, even though my entire body is splayed across the length of it. “I’m worried about you. It’s been a week,” she announces, as if I had no clue how long it’s been since I lost my boyfriend, my job, and the little boy that made every day brighter in my life.
“Maybe you need to at least shower?”
“I’ve taken a shower in the last week, Pfeiffer.”
“I know. But not after you worked your shift last night. No offense, but you reek of booze and jalapeno poppers.”
Rolling my eyes, I move to stand. “Fine. I’ll shower. But I’m coming right back here when I’m done.”
“That’s perfectly fine. I’m just glad to see you upright.” She smiles politely at me, but her eyes show her true worry.
For the past seven days I’ve been sleeping at Cash and Pfeiffer’s, seeing as how I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. After my blow up with Luke, I packed up enough clothes for a few days and ran out of the house, vowing to never return. I sent Pfeiffer mid-week to pick up the rest of my things, while Luke just watched her, saying nothing before she left.
I was hoping by now to have heard something from him. Of course, when I remember that he fired me and kicked me out of his house, I guess that hope was truly far-fetched. I’ve never realized how long a day is until this past week, as every second away from the two men I love reminds me of what I lost.
Yet I can’t regret it. I would do it all over in a heartbeat, because letting Grayson and Luke into my heart made me feel wanted and needed finally by someone other than my family. I was doing something fulfilling by taking care of that boy, and I was falling in love with a man like I’d never felt before. I thought I’d been in love before Luke. But boy, was I wrong. That man erased any preconceived notions I had about how it felt to be valued by someone. And that’s exactly what I thought he felt—that he valued me, cherished me, wanted a future with me.
I guess I was wrong about that too.
Once I’m clean and showered, I make my way back to the couch, sliding under the blanket to ward off the chill of the air conditioner and returning to my binge of horror movies, since I know they won’t make me cry anymore. It’s almost the middle of July now and the air outside is hot and sticky, while the frigidness of Cash and Pfeiffer’s house protects me from the elements, and from the possibility of running into Luke.
I know I can’t hide here forever, and I even told Tony last night that I’m available now to work more shifts if he needs me, seeing as how I lost my other job. The sympathy in his eyes told me he’s holding out for Luke to change his mind too, especially after I broke down and confessed to him what happened. He’s the only other person I’ve told about the break-up besides Pfeiffer, although I’m sure word will travel fast around town once it gets out. I’ve yet to tell my mom or dad because I know what they’ll do. They’ll tell me how sorry they are and then beg me to come home. And even though the thought has crossed my mind, part of me is hoping Luke will come to his senses sooner rather than later.
I didn’t imagine what was there between us. I didn’t dream the entire thing. What we had was real, no matter how badly he wants to deny it. I know what it was, and I’m trying to keep faith that it all wasn’t for nothing.
But how can you convince someone that they’re worthy of their life? That they're worthy of finding love again? I could tell Luke those words repeatedly until I’m blue in the face, but he has to be the one to believe them. And until he does, this is where we will remain—miles apart, shattered and bruised, and with a gap left in my chest wanting to fill it again with the love of a little boy and his father—a love I was sure I was meant to have for the rest of my life, but now understand that I might just have to live without.
“When I get home later, we’re going to have a girl’s night, okay? Jess is bringing the fixings for ice cream sundaes, and I’m ordering pizza.”
“Ugh, do we have to?”
“Yes! You’re my best friend and you’re nursing a broken heart. Junk food and a girl’s night are in order.”
“Fine.” I roll my eyes again at her.
“I love you, Rach. You’re going to get through this.” She leans down and kisses me on the forehead before leaving the house to tackle her run. I press play on my movie and then snuggle back into the cushions, concentrating on the stupidity of the characters running towards a killer before sleep overtakes me.
“Hey, sleeping beauty.” I pop one eye open as I find Jess hovering over me.
“Hey.” Sitting up to adjust to the light, I feel drool dripping down the side of my face, so I reach up to swipe it away.
“Well, aren’t you just a merry ball of sunshine?” Jess jokes but then sits down next to me.
“Yup.”
“Seriously,” she lowers her voice, reaching for my hand. “How are you holding up?”