Page 2 of Someone You Deserve
He lifts his hands in the air as well. “What do you want from me, Astrid? I swear, you’re like a different person lately. I go to work every day, make money so we can pay our fucking bills, leave our life for months at a time, and when I come home, you’re pissed off at me the second I walk through the door!”
For the past three years, ever since Lilly was born, we’ve done nothing but drift apart. Each deployment should have made the heart grow fonder, but all they’ve done is drive a bigger wedge between us. I’venever admitted it out loud, but when he’s gone, I feel relieved. I feel like I can do what I want when I want without judgment from him.
Brandon has never been controlling or abusive. But he also has never paid attention to my needs—an issue I didn’t realize was so glaring until after we had kids.
I guess it’s easier when you don’t have other people to care for, when all of your attention can be directed at your spouse. And when you’ve been together as long as we have—since the tender age of seventeen—it’s easy to become complacent.
But lately, all I keep asking myself is ‘is this it?’ Is this how the rest of my life is going to be? Sitting at home, raising our kids and putting my dreams on hold so he can uphold the promise he made to his country? Wondering what version of him I’m going to get when he returns from his next deployment? If our marriage will get better, or just progressively keep getting worse?
I knew what I was signing up for when I married him. I knew this life meant long stretches apart and sacrifices we would both have to make. But when does it stop? When do I get to start livingmylife and chasing aftermydreams?
I love my kids…but being a mom is not enough.
I want more.
I need more.
And I’m tired of being made to feel like desiring more is unrealistic.
Staring at the man I married, the only man I’ve ever been with, my first and only love, I relent to my turmoil.
“I’m not happy, Brandon.”
He scoffs. “Yeah, I think we’ve established that.”
“No. I mean…I’m not happy withus, where we’re at.” His eyes lock onto mine as I muster up the courage to finally say, “Ithink…I want a divorce.”
Uttering those words feels like letting a bird out of a cage that has been trapped for far too long. They’ve been in the back of my mind, on the tip of my tongue, but I’ve never given them life. Not until tonight.
His mouth falls open just slightly. “What?”
“You heard me,” I reply. “I can’t do this anymore. The fighting, the animosity. I feel like we’re always angry with each other and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of feeling invisible.”
Our eyes drift over to the kids in the living room, oblivious to the shift in their lives that’s happening just in the next room.
“You don’t mean it,” he whispers.
And even though I can physically feel my heart break, I say, “Yes, I do.”
Chapter one
Penn
Present Day
“To Astrid!” My older brother, Dallas, raises his glass and the rest of the crew follows his lead, echoing his sentiment as they do.
“Thank you, Dallas.” The apples of Astrid’s cheeks turn pink, but I know it’s because all the attention is on her. She’s not a fan of that, but I also know that in this moment, she fucking deserves it.
“Seriously,” he continues, “I’m pissed I’m losing my top waitress, but I’m also so damn happy for you.” He pulls his girlfriend, Willow, to his side as she nods her head in agreement. If it weren’t for Willow, we wouldn’t even be celebrating Astrid tonight. Her arrival in Carrington Cove has done more than just improve my brother’s mood over the past two months.
Catch & Release, my brother’s restaurant and bar, is packed with employees and friends, closed to the public for Astrid’s going away party. As of last week, she is now the proud new owner of the Sunshine Bakery, a Carrington Cove icon. Greg and Jenny, the former owners, opened the doors to the bakery over forty years ago and have made aname for themselves with the townsfolk and tourists. Astrid started working part-time for them about four years ago, just after her husband—and one of my best friends—Brandon died.
That’s the thing about living in a small town: everyone knows everyone, and we all show up for each other.
Dallas continues his speech. “Everyone here has been lucky enough to sample your talent each time you brought in your latest creation for us to try. Those days when there were cupcakes in the breakroom, you would have thought there were the winning lotto numbers scratched onto a paper for someone to find.” The room fills with laughter and several heads nod. “And now, the entire town of Carrington Cove will be blessed to partake in your treats and talent any time they want. We will miss your smile and energy around here, but now is your time to shine.”
Astrid’s eyes fill with tears as she mouths, “Thank you.”