Page 86 of Biker's Property
Everything here is perfect, especially the new ring on my finger which I tried to convince Ryder was unnecessary. But he insisted. The ring is huge, honestly. A large pink heart shaped sapphire set in white gold. I love it, even if it’s a luxury I don’t feel like I deserve. Ryder believes I deserve the best, but some days… I’m not sure.
I don’t even know if I’ll get to keep this man by my side all the time. We just moved into our house and his hushed, secretive phone calls have expanded tenfold. I trust Ryder enough to know that he’s keeping the phone calls private for a reason but… I can’t help but worry this is all going to fall apart. I might not have been on the run for a long time, but surviving in my first marriage meant living in a state of constant anxiety.
It’s strange to have a real, strong man to protect me so I don’t have to look over my shoulder. So I can feel safe. Ryder left the house about half an hour ago to pick something up from the grocery store, but I feel nervous that he hasn’t come back yet.
When I hear the truck engine at the end of the driveway, I get up off my seat on the porch and confirm — it’s him. I skip to the bottom of the stairs and Ryder nearly leaps out of the truck before he stops it. We don’t even think about the groceries. I jump into his arms and he hugs me tightly. So tightly that all my fears melt away. His effect on me is instantaneous.
“Hello, beautiful wife.”
He kisses me with firm, warm lips, parting mine so he can slide his tongue into my mouth. He tastes good. Ever since he quit liquor, he tastes a lot better. With this kiss, I still detect a concerning flavor once he gets deep enough. I pull away gently and press my hand to Ryder’s chest.
“I thought you quit those energy drinks.”
He grins. “I did. Then I had a great idea at the grocery store.”
“You did?”
Ryder doesn’t always have terrible ideas. But there’s something about the way he’s looking at me now scares the crap out of me. It’s been a long time since Ryder has come close to scaring me, which just scares me more.
“I did,” he says, running his tongue over his lips. “I thought… I need to get you pregnant.”
I press my hands against his chest.
“What made you think that?”
“My brother has a baby.”
“That’s it?”
“He’s my twin brother.”
“I don’t see why the existence of your twin brother means I need to have a baby.”
“Don’t you want to have a baby?”
My stomach tightens. The truth. I don’t know if I should tell him now. But he’s my husband. And I love him.
“I gave up on having a baby during my first marriage when I realized the man I married would hurt any kid I brought into the world. I did a lot to avoid having a kid.”
Our eyes meet. The pain behind mine. The sorrow behind his. Ryder’s gaze softens. We have that way with each other. I make him soft and gentle. He gives me the room to be that soft and gentle woman who can make that space for him. The love between us didn’t feel instantaneous, but now that we’re standing here, it does.
I love this man more than I ever thought possible. I don’t want to be stuck in my ways now that I’m standing here.
“You would be a great mother, Joslin,” he says. “I know your feelings might be complicated but… you would never have to be alone. I’ll do this with you.”
“You can’t do all of it with me.”
“But I can do the best damn job of keeping you safe and happy while you go through it. And if you need any motherly, womanly things… there’s always my mother.”
He turns a little red and clutches me so closely to his body that I can feel his hardness. His desire for me is always so strong. I can feel it when I’m close to him. He’s just so warm. I look into his eyes, breathing with him, feeling my trust for him growing. Could we really do this?
“I don’t want to hurt a child the way my mother hurt me.”
“And I don’t want to be a man who always puts alcohol and the club over his kids.”
“So that’s it? I let you take me upstairs and rough me up?”
“Let me?” Ryder says. “Woman… If I want you… I’ll just take you.”