Page 28 of Drowning
He sets his cup down and closes his laptop, giving me a once over with a curious look in his blue eyes that eerily resemble mine.
"Well, Stone and Ace rode back to Dorchester to take care of a few things at the club. Kane went for a ride to handle some side business. Nova went home to grab a few things she forgot, and Seven is still upstairs, sleeping, I think." The look he gives me makes me nervous, and I'm heavily wondering if he knows what happened on the beach last night.
"I see the fucking marks that asshole covered you in are fading." Eli moves his eyes over my bare arms, making me feel self conscious.
"Yeah, they're getting there." I take a sip of my coffee to kill the awkward silence, trying to think of something else to say.
"We're gonna fucking get him, baby sis; I promise." He smiles, reaching his arms across the table, covering my hands with his. "No one fucking hurts you—no one." I can see his anger begging to be set free, but he does his best to keep it at bay.
"I don't think Damon will be bothering me anymore. I haven't heard from or seen him. I think he got the hint," I say, hopeful but skeptical at the same time.
"That's not the fucking point,” he says, raising his voice, making me flinch involuntarily. “Besides, you're here with all of us, so he isn't stupid enough to try anything because he knows we'll fuck his ass up."
I sigh, glancing over his shoulder at the beach, admiring the crystal blue water as the sun hits it. "Don't underestimate him, Eli. Trust me, he'salwaysone step ahead."
As Damon keeps getting brought up, my heart thunders maniacally, feeling as if it's about to burst from within my chest. My anxiety begins to rear its ugly head, making me feel like I'm about to have a fucking panic attack the longer we talk about him.
"Emerson, take a deep breath and look at me," my brother says softly, gliding his thumbs along the tops of my hands to try and calm me down.
He knows just how to help me. He knows the cure for my anxiety and panic attacks, and I'm so fucking thankful that he understands.
Finally looking at him, he smiles, reminding me of our father with his charming grin and boyish good looks, which breaks my heart all over again.
"Don't you fucking dare go to that place in your mind."
"What place?" Even though I know what he means, I play stupid, wondering how he's going to prevent it.
"You know, the dark, suffocating place in your mind—in your heart—that always threatens to break you until you're nothing but a shell of the amazing person we all know you are. You deserve to shine, Emerson. You deserve every ounce of light that casts over you, not the darkness and gloom that's controlled you almost all of your adult life."
His words hit me like a fucking punch to the gut, tugging at my heartstrings, and it takes all I can fucking do not to cry on the spot.
Because it's true. My life has been filled with darkness and gloom, secrets and danger, and I feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of it all.
But Eli is right; I deserve better. I deserve to be happy and to live without fear.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, nodding at Eli. "You're right, and I'll try. I promise."
He gives my hands a reassuring squeeze and then releases them. "Good. Now, let's finish our coffee and figure out what we're going to do today."
"I think I want to take my bike out for a ride to clear my head." My hands itch as I think about my bike, the one thing I have complete control over—the one place I feel safe and free.
"That might be good for you, Em," he says, giving me a look that tells me there's something else on the tip of his tongue.
"But?" I exhale, pushing my chair out from the table.
"But I think you should take Seven with you. I don't want you out riding alone, especially when we have no fucking clue what Damon is up to."
"Eli," I scold him, knowing he's only looking out for me.
"Listen, I would go with you, but I have some club business I need to handle and I have a meeting with mom and dad's lawyer a little later today."
"Fine, I'll see if he wants to go, but if he doesn't, I'm still going for a ride," I point out, feeling sick as I think about Damon, and the fact that he still might be stalking me.
But I can't rely on my brother or the guys to protect me forever. I'm a big girl, and as much as Eli doesn't want to hear or admit it, I can take care of myself on my own, regardless of what past events prove.
Even so, knowing I have good days and bad days, some wicked worse than others, all spiraling from the selfish murder of our parents, I can't shake off the feeling that despite everything—the chaos, the fear, and the danger—I feel a tiny glimmer of faith deep within me.
Maybe it's not too late to turn things around and find my way out of the depths of the terrifying shadows that I constantly allow to swallow me whole. But as I hear my thoughts loud and clear, even I know that it'll take a fucking miracle for me to escape the comforting darkness and enter the light where I used to feel so safe and secure.