Page 55 of Drowning

Not just the truth about what Damon put me through, but the truth about how much my parents' murders affected me.

I didn't want to admit that I was as broken as I was. I tried to put on a brave facade, but even I could see right through it.

I was fucking weak.

I didn't want to deal with the internal pain of losing them, so I pretended that I was okay even though I wasn't.

I was the furthest thing from okay there was.

I was miserable. I was lost. I was self-destructive.

I felt like no one would ever love me like my parents did. Of course, no one would love me like they did.

But I didn't even want anyone to love me, because I was terrified that I was incapable of loving anyone back.

But Seven helped me break the chains that kept me heavily guarded. He showed me how much I was loved—how much he loved me. He made me realize that I truly loved him back, but I was too fucking afraid to admit it.

Kane helped me realize that it was okay to open up and allow myself to seek comfort in someone who would guide me through the tough times like my father used to. He helped me see that I didn't only think of him as someone I could look up to, but someone I could trust to take care of me in ways that I never had—ways I'd never allow.

Ace showed me what it was like to love unconditionally, to be proud and unashamed, and to fight for what and who I wanted no matter who thought it was wrong or forbidden.

And Stone, Stone showed me how to let down my guard and break the walls around my heart, showing me that it was okay to love your friends more than just a friend. Sometimes, a friendship is just a cover for something really beautiful, something worth risking a friendship over because it might just be what you'd always hoped for.

Most importantly, they all showed me that I could stop hiding in the darkness and letting the scars control me; that it's time to confront the demons and reclaim my life.

With a newfound love, confidence, and determination, I ride into the eye of the storm with a smile on my face as the ice starts melting from around my heart, leaving behind the traumas and horrors of the past and embracing the promise of a brighter future where I know that I'll be okay.

thirty-two

Bruised Blue Eyes

S t o n e

As Eli and my father continue their search for Emerson, Ace, Seven, and I sit around the fire on the beach, feeling utterly useless and defeated. We scoured the city for the last three days she's been missing, looking in abandoned buildings where we know she hangs out—her and Eli's house, Seven's tattoo shop, Damon's apartment, the bar, even the cemetery where her parents are buried—nothing. We've never felt more powerless. Since we have her phone, there's no way for us to track her anymore. She hasn't called or tried to reach out, which is unsettling to say the least.

This summer was supposed to be a chance for her to move past the trauma and grief she'd been carrying since her parents'murders. And although she was making immense progress, I feel like whatever has happened is just going to make her recovery even worse. But we're not giving up.

As we sit together, the flames casting a warm glow over us, I know that no matter what challenges we may face, we will always be there for each other, through thick and thin, good and bad—ride or fucking die.

The sound of the crashing waves against the shore feels like a soothing balm to our frazzled nerves. As the flames from the fire crackle and dance, I can't help but feel a surge of determination rising within me. We can't give up on Emerson, not now, not ever.

Just as I open my mouth to suggest another avenue of search, a distant, rumbling sound catches my ear. The three of us look at each other, curious and hopeful, turning our heads to look behind us with a view of the long driveway that loops around to the back of the house.

"Who the fuck is that?" Ace asks, his words soft and slurred from one too many shots.

"I think it's Emerson. That sounds just like her fucking bike," Seven points out, sounding and looking hopeful.

"It's... it can't be." I stumble over my words as they fly out of my mouth, standing up to get a better look at who's pulling down the driveway.

As a blue glow from headlights on a bike flicker in our eyes before the engine gets killed and everything goes dark, my heart pumps rapidly, praying that it is, in fact, Emerson.

I know the sound of her bike from any fucking place.

Seven, Ace, and I watch intently, following the dark figure's every move as they dismount their bike.

"Well, fuck. I'll be damned," I mutter, breathing a sigh of relief, still riddled with complete confusion.

It's Emerson, stumbling out from the shadows of the trees, disheveled and exhausted. Relief floods through me as we rush to her side, engulfing her in a tight embrace.