Page 111 of Reverie

I wanted to slip and fall and crack my skull on the expensive tile.

After Dr. Whitney thoroughly assessed her and determined her and the baby were safe, I collapsed on the hallway floor, right outside my door but not daring to enter.

That’s where Leo found me. He took a look at me and walked into my room, returning with a shirt and gym shorts.

I don’t remember putting them on.

When he asked what happened, I couldn’t say the words.

I couldn’t say that I hurt Winter.

I hurt Winter.

Hurt.

Winter.

I ran down the hallway and away from the room, retching alcohol and bile in the bushes once I landed in the courtyard.

“Hunter, are you okay, man?” Leo’s voice comes from behind me, standing on the cobblestones while I pant with my hands on my knees.

I shake my head, sucking in air but never getting enough.

I hurt Winter.

I gag again. When nothing comes up, I try to stand and manage to hobble over to the gazebo where Ella and I smoked and Leo watched.

Was that when I began to spiral? When did I crack? When did I become the person who hurts the woman I love?

I’m a broken man,I said to her. And now, I think I’m beyond repair.

I fall onto one of the wooden benches and bend over, lacing my fingers behind my head and staring at the knots in the floorboards.

“Wait here,” Leo says, and I feel his movements as he leaves.

Every emotion forms into a sharp current up and down my spine, shooting to spin in my stomach.

I hurt Winter.

One.

Breathe. Breathe. How does Winter do the breathing?

One-two-one.

I hurt Winter. I bruised her. I-I-I?—

One-two-three-two-one.

I repeat the mantra over and over, trying to bring myself down but warring with the part of me that believes that I should feel every bit of this discomfort. I need to suffer.

Will she ever forgive me?Shouldshe ever forgive me?

“Here.” Leo shoves a cool water bottle in front of my face, forcing me to take it as he releases it from his fingers. When I don’t do anything with it, he says, “Drink it, Hunter.”

I comply, my movements stilted.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Leo says.