Page 113 of Reverie

“She trusted me to do what I needed to do, and she’s suffering for it like she always suffers for me,” I say, my back to Leo.

“You need to stay away from her, Hunter,” he says, empathy tinging the hardness of his voice. I look to the floor and nod.

“Probably not forever. But you need space to figure your shit out, H, and quickly.”

I nod again.

“Come over to my room if you want to stay close but need a place to crash.”

I nod, and he walks away, so I let myself sit in silence.

Leo’s right, I do need to figure out my shit.

You need to actually face what was done to you.

I close my eyes and sink to the short step.

I was raped.I actually uttered those words to Winter. Words that I never allowed myself to think or face.

I should be able to sack up about this.

I should be able to?—

Nausea hits me again. I try to push the thought away, but it echoes again and again.

I was raped.

I was raped.

I was?—

I press the heels of my palms to my eye sockets, trying to breathe through the panic that threatens to take over.

I was?—

Just like pressure in a volcano, I unlock my jaw and roar into the night sky. My screams bring heat to my face and ice to the rest of my being. I feel numb; I feel electrified.

I am a body of contradictions as I scream, scream, scream.

Somewhere in the midst of my breakdown, I realize my knuckles are bleeding again and awareness of pain comes slowly.

I punched something.

One.

One-two-one.

One-two-three-two-one.

I try to breathe in and out like Winter taught me once.

Winter. Winter who is too good for me.

I hurt Winter.

For the second time tonight, hot, angry wetness covers my face. Tears.

I hurt Winter.