Page 62 of Reverie

I know she only means her, Summer, and me. I grab her hand, squeezing it tight.

“I believe in Hunter. I really do, Veronica.”

The look she gives me is sad. “I really hope it works out,” she says cryptically.

I bite my lip.

Veronica moves around the bathroom, turning off the water and giving me a tight smile.

“I love you, Winter. Just…remember that I’m always on your side. Okay?”

Veronica’s words could stab me with how pointed they are, and I know there’s so much in what she’s not saying.

I follow her out of the bathroom, and she heads for the door.

“I’ll see you later, right?” I ask.

With her hand on the knob, she tilts toward me and says, “Of course, Win.”

And with that, she leaves the room.

I stand in the middle of the floor for too many minutes as I let confusion bleed into anxiety.

Veronica has always been outspoken, but I’ve rarely stood against her. Whatever she wanted or needed or said was true, I just let her have it.

But when it comes to this, whether I should trust Hunter or whether I’m safe here or not, I just feel confused.

Uncertain.

I don’t know what’s real or not. What’s wrong or not.

I bring my hand to my chest as my vision begins to swim.

Even after killing two people, being shot, saving August, and surviving the massive confusion after seeing ghosts rise from the dead…nowis when my psyche decides to say,Nope! You’re done.

Can’t one panic attack per seventy-two-hour period be enough?

I try to draw in slow, deep breaths as I grapple for the edge of the bed. Plopping down, I begin my mantra.

One.

One-two-one.

One-two-three-two-one.

Kitty settles into my side without me having to signal him, and I plunge one hand into his fur while placing the other on my abdomen and breathing into my palm. I wish I could speak with Genevieve, but things are too risky to involve my therapist, no matter how much I need her.

I’ll have to use the tools I’ve gained over the last decade and hold myself together.

As of this moment, everything is okay.

Breathe in.

I am safe right now.

Breathe out.

I cannot control tomorrow, but I can live in today.