Page 81 of Reverie
Her words cause my chest to tighten, and my breaths start to feel short.
She looks at me, and she shows everything in her gaze.
“Why does that scare you, Hunter?”
I have to change the subject.
“I’m not sure what to do about Amelia,” I say.
She sits up straighter and tilts her head to the side. I can tell the moment she decides to let me back away from the present topic.
“Do you want my help to think through it?” she asks, using her therapist voice.
I grin. “Sure, Doctor Vaughan.” Soon to be Doctor Brigham if I have my way.
The idea of Paris flashes through my mind. In my fantasies, we’d get married beneath the cherry blossoms at the Tidal Basin and honeymoon for a month in Paris. We’d do touristy things during the day, have romantic candle-lit dinners at night, and make love whenever we wanted to.
I want to give her that and so much more.
Winter smiles at me. “Can you name the emotions you feel right now about your mother? Not necessarily about her actions, but about her being here, alive.”
She waits patiently and brings her legs around to sit with them folded in front of her.
I allow myself to really think about that question. How do I feel about my mother being alive?
I’m angry. I’m hurt.
And beneath the anger and hurt, I’m…grateful.
She’s lied to me, hidden herself away from me, and allowed me to stay trapped in that world with my father. And even knowing all that—having all that happen—I’m stunned that she’s still here.
“I’m amazed that she survived. I’m in awe of her resilience to make it through the things that were supposed to kill her. And I’m jealous. And angry,” I say.
And guilty.
Maybe that’s really it. The guilt I feel that, in the end, I was the one who betrayed all her secrets…the feeling is sharp. It’s a knife stuck in my gut, and it gets jostled with every breath I take.
“Those are all understandable feelings, Hunter,” Winter says calmly. “So, acknowledging that, what do you want your relationship with her to look like?”
That question startles me. Relationship? With my mother?
The fact that I haven’t considered that I could have any type of relationship with her hasn’t crossed my mind. I’m unsure why. Maybe part of me can’t believe that she’s actually alive and here.
Maybe part of me is afraid that despite the miracle of her presence here…she’ll leave me again, whether she wants to or not.
Maybe part of me feels the pressure of this shit with The Legion blowing up in a catastrophic way.
Like everything always does.My hand jerks in Winter’s grasp. I take in her face in the dim light and try not to panic.
This. I won’t let anything destroythis.
“I haven’t thought about it,” I eventually say.
Winter’s grin is slow to appear, but it comes nonetheless.
“That’s okay, Hunter,” she says, kissing my cheek. I inhale her soft rose scent, grateful to whoever managed to bring so many of our things over from Amelia Manor.
“Maybe that question is one that you can spend some time contemplating,” she finishes.