Page 48 of Jay's Silence

Og brushed my arm. “What is going through your brilliant mind?”

I rolled my eyes but answered his question. “I don’t remember the beginning of my move to Graeagle.”

“What?” Og asked, clearly not expecting a topic change.

“I don’t remember the beginning of my move to Graeagle,” I repeated. “My ex said, ‘fix our mistake,’ but I don’t remember amistake. I don’t even remember my ex.” I met Rehan’s flat gaze. “I’m missing memories and cursed. I’ve shared my thoughts, and my emotions aren’t relevant because the situation has made them unreliable.”

My words hung heavy in the air.

“Your emotions are always relevant,” Rehan squeezed my hand. “For dragons, I have a large, very close family. Believe me; emotions are not just relevant, but key.”

I found myself wanting to nod along with Rehan’s logic.

Because he’s right.

“Are my emotions relevant?” Og asked, ducking his head.

I grabbed his hand and laced our fingers together. “Of course they are.”

“Then, do you understand how hypocritical what you're saying is?” Og squeezed my hand and leaned toward me.

I jerked back. “Hypocritical?” I snatched my hand back and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m telling you how I feel about the situation, and your response is to call me a fucking hypocrite?”

Rehan let out a low, frustrated grunt.

Og paled. “I’m not calling you a hypocrite, but you just said your feelings aren’t valid. But now you’re claiming your feelings about your feelings not being valid need to be respected. Jay, that’s the definition of hypocrisy.”

I gripped my knees, and my knuckles turned white. “So glad we cleared our definitions up, Og. Let’s dig into what constitutes a feeling next.”

“Do you think that would help?” Og asked.

I pulled my hair and groaned.

“No.” Rehan and I both snapped at the same time.

Og winced.

“Look, We’re not in the same situation.” I stopped pulling on my hair and forced calm into my voice.

“We’re not in the same situation?” Rehan asked, encouraging me to continue.

Og bit his lips shut and leaned toward me, showing he was listening.

“We’re not.” I focused on Rehan, my rock. He had to understand. “Life moves so fast. But I don’t.” I punched the air. “At the end of every story, no matter how much fun or how much love I experienced, I’m alone again.” I wasn’t sure I’d ever admitted that out loud, and my chest tightened. Tears threatened to spring to life, obliterating my anger.

Rehan’s big dark blue eyes wavered before he nodded. “We’re not. I hadn’t looked at it like that before. You must be lonely, love.”

The tightness in my chest twisted, and a tear escaped. I was lonely. Every time I stopped moving, I felt it. I dove for Rehan’s hoodie-covered chest and buried my face in it before either dragon saw my self-pity.

Rehan wrapped me in his arms, and Og placed his hand on my lower back. It was too much: too much support, too much emotion, too much vulnerability. I was stronger than this.

But you don’t have to be.

Shut up.

I pushed off Rehan and put a hand on each of their chests as if holding them physically away from me would keep me from feeling. “I can’t remember parts of my life.” I shook as the fear I held in check broke free. “I have no magic. I’m probably mortal. And I apparently had a hand in creating the largest demon infestation I’ve seen in my thousand years alive.” I swallowed hard, using facts to control my emotions. “I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know how I feel about it, and I refuse, point blank, to force anything onto any of you beyond what has already happened. It’s that simple.”

You’re terrified, Jay. For the first time in hundreds of years, it’s left you feeling vulnerable in a way you don’t know how to admit.