Page 86 of His Obsession
“These last couple of months…” I spoke, hesitating, not sure if I could open up to him. “Can we talk?” I couldn’t say what I was going to say without asking if he would listen. I couldn’t expose my soul just to have him tune me out.
“I don’t know, Liz. Whenever you want to talk, it’s always you asking too many questions I can’t or won’t answer.” He put the target paper on the table and played with a long, pointed bullet.
“No questions, I promise,” I said, holding my fingers up in the famous Girl Scouts’ Honor sign. “I just need to talk to someone who understands… someone who isn’t Alek.” I felt vulnerable, I was sweaty, and my stomach hurt.
“I can’t tell you I’ll understand, but go ahead.” He took a seat on the stool.
“He told me everything I needed to know today. He told me about his mother. You know he killed his mother, right? You were at the trial—” I began and paced.
“Not this again. Alek told you he killed her?” he interrupted me.
“Yes,” I said, pinching my brows together in confusion.
“Alek has a guilt complex when it comes to his mom—”
“Hold-up, what is a guilt complex?”
“Alek has this obsession of guilt over the fact that he shot her. He feels he is responsible for her death. He shot her, yes, but that wasn’t what killed her.” He paused and put a bullet upright on the table, then flicked it over with boredom. “It was the thirteen stab wounds inflicted by his psychotic dad.”
I stopped moving.Thirteen. Alek said Jimmy stabbed her repeatedly, but this detail changes how he should be feeling about his mother’s death. Why choose to ignore it?
“It’s why Alek is the way he is with you. He didn’t want history to repeat itself, but he can’t control everything, especially bullheaded women. You’re lucky you made it out alive, especially with Dirty Bones there.” He placed the tipped bullet upright on the table. “No matter how many times I told him you were going to destroy his world of control, he still couldn’t give you up. It drove me insane.”
I tilted Alek’s life upside down, but he spun me off my axis. I felt like I was spinning wildly out of control with no sense of direction, but the spin was slowing down, and I could finally make out my new destination.
“Can I be honest with you?”
“If you want this conversation to continue, I’d suggest you are,” he said, flicking the bullet again.
“When he took me, I was terrified… a given… right?” I stifled my laugh. “All I could think about was, if Alek found me, dead or alive, I wanted him to know I tried. That I fought as hard as I could to get back to him.” Tears blurred my vision, and I wiped them, drying my hands on my shorts. “I kept thinking he would never know how much I cared for him if I died. How much I appreciated everything he did for me, even though I fought him on everything. How much I would crumble inside if anything happened to him while he looked for me.” I took a deep breath.
“I don’t know how I feel about all ofthis. I’ve never met anyone that has done the things Alek has… and yet I can’t seem to stay away from him, but I don’t want to be near him right now. Now, of all times when I thinkheneedsmethe most. But who in their right mind would be okay with this? I think I accept it all, but I still don’t want to make a rash decision of acceptance, continue my relationship, and suddenly not be okay. It would crush us both.” I wiped the tears away that I couldn’t seem to keep off my face lately.
“Liz, what are you trying to say? It sounds like ramblings to me.” I knew talking to a man was a ridiculous idea.
“I’m saying I’m still upset with how he went about it all, how he couldn’t be honest with me from the beginning… our relationship was founded on lies. I don’t know where to go from here.”
Randall rubbed the back of his neck. “Liz, I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this because I’ve wanted you out of his life from the moment you inadvertently entered it, but… if you want to lose him, keep doing what you’re doing and let the past run through your head.” He stood and gripped my shoulders tight, digging his thumb into the now bruised arm. “Stop looking at all the ways you think he should have done something different because no one is perfect, not him, and certainly not you.” He put his finger under my chin to force eye contact. “Alek doesn’t know how to be like the rest of the world. He’s damaged goods, just like you are now. If you give him a chance, though, he’ll move heaven and earth for you, much like he already has.” He dropped all contact with me, suddenly looking uncomfortable, and he released a loud puff of air. “Can I be done playing therapist now?”
I gave a slight nod and kept my eyes to the ground, his advice hitting my soul.
“Good, all this shooting has made me hungry.”
Fear.
It gripped its dirty claws into my skin and refused to let go, tearing at my chest and squeezing my lungs. I sat in the corner of my room, phone in hand, and trembling, gasping for air.
My nightmare replayed like a horror movie that refused to turn off, and it was intended only for me, its sole victim.
I was in Jimmy’s basement again, tied down to the chair, but I wasn’t alone this time. Alek was here before me, on his knees, and Jimmy had a knife to his throat.
Jimmy’s face was red with anger, seething with rage. He kept yelling about things that I couldn’t understand, which didn’t make any sense. A big jumble of words meshed together. I tried screaming, begging for him to let Alek go, to not take him from me, but no sounds would leave my lips. Jimmy just suddenly stopped, stared into my eyes, and ran the blade across Alek’s throat.
Alek didn’t fight him. He just stared through me with his icy blue eyes as if I wasn’t even there and allowed the blade to slice into him.
When I woke up, I was screaming and soaked in sweat. My hands shook so badly my text to Alek didn’t seem coherent. I crawled over to the corner of my room, hiding from the monsters in my dream and in the shadows. Nothing can sneak up behind you when your back is against the wall. It’s where I’ve been sitting, waiting for what seemed like hours.
I finally couldn’t wait for his response any longer, so I tapped on his name, and the phone rang.